


Renwick

by Satellites_and_Stars



Category: All Time Low (Band), Pierce the Veil, Sleeping With Sirens
Genre: Depression, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Murder, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, Suicide, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2020-12-24 16:01:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 18
Words: 21,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21102140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Satellites_and_Stars/pseuds/Satellites_and_Stars
Summary: Alex Gaskarth suddenly finds himself enrolled in The Renwick School for the Deadly Arts, a prestigious academy known only by the most elite of criminals and government officials. He quickly befriends Jack Barakat, leader of All Time Low, and together, they are forced to navigate through a dangerous world of kill or be killed. (Inspired by Rick Remender's Deadly Class)





	1. Chapter 1

Buried beneath the streets of a sprawling city lay The Renwick School for the Deadly Arts, its only entrance hidden away in the back of an unassuming gift shop. As the name implies, this was no ordinary school. The curriculum didn’t bother with algebra, literary analysis, or other useless things that typical high schoolers worried over. At Renwick, students were taught one thing: how to survive a life of crime and violence.

Meanwhile, Alex Gaskarth had no idea what he was doing here. He stared blankly into the empty locker that had just been assigned to him and tried to figure out exactly how he had ended up at a boarding school for killers. One second, he was an average kid at an ordinary high school in a small town. Next thing he knew, his parents were going on a “vacation” for an “indefinite amount of time,” and Alex had to go to this dumb school where he would “be safe.” Safe from what? Fuck if he knew.

A bell suddenly rang, the shrill sound causing Alex to jump, and the halls quickly filled with students dressed in the required black and red uniforms. He slammed his new locker shut and realized that he had no clue as to where he was or what he should be doing. Well shit.

“Hey, new kid!”

Surprised, Alex glanced around the hall and quickly spotted a boy who was staring straight at him. “Me?”

The boy’s face broke into a wide grin. He pushed his way through the crowd of students until he was standing right in front of Alex. “Yeah, you. Welcome to Renwick,” he said, holding out his right hand. “My name’s Jack.”

Alex hesitantly shook Jack’s hand. The guy came off as just a little too friendly for comfort. “…Alex.”

“Nice to meet you, Alex. Has anyone shown you around yet?”

“Not yet, no.”

“Well then, it’ll be my pleasure,” Jack said with an overdramatic bow. “Right this way.”

At a loss for words, Alex silently followed after this strange new person. It wasn’t like he had anything better to do. He listened as Jack pointed out various classrooms, the library, dining hall, and all the little nooks and crannies that he thought were best for studying in.

“So, where are you from?” Jack asked as they walked side by side.

“Maryland.”

“No way, dude, me too!”

For some reason, this made Alex relax a bit. “Baltimore?”

“Hell yeah, let’s go Ravens,” Jack said with a laugh. “What are you doing all the way out here at Renwick?”

Alex shoved his hands in his pockets. That exact question had been bothering him ever since his parents told him their decision to ship him off. “No idea,” he answered truthfully. “My parents just suddenly decided to go away for a while and leave me here. They didn’t really say anything more than that.”

“Hm, well, I’m sure they had their reasons.” He could tell Alex was getting upset just thinking about it and quickly changed the topic. “What do you do for fun?”

“I guess I listen to a lot of music,” he said casually. “And I play video games and stuff…I don’t know. Sorry, I’m a really boring person.”

“Nah, you’re good. I’m pretty much the same way.”

They continued wandering around the school aimlessly, the lack of windows and wall clocks making them lose all sense of time. After some more casual conversation, Jack and Alex found that they had a similar taste in music and began exchanging stories about concerts they’d been to and the crazy things that had happened there – epic mosh pits, failed crowd surfing attempts. Before either of them knew it, they were talking and laughing together like old friends. Alex still thought that Jack was kind of a weird kid, but that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. He was fun to be around, and Alex could tell that he could trust Jack. It felt good to know at least one person here.

“So now that we’ve gotten to know each other a bit,” Jack eventually said,” I’ve decided that I like you, Alex Gaskarth. Therefore, I would like to offer you an official invitation to join All Time Low.”

“I’m sorry, join what?”

“All Time Low,” Jack repeated as though it were obvious.

“What is that, like, a school club or something?”

“No, you moron, it’s my gang.”

Alex glared at Jack. He was still getting used to this sudden drastic change in his life and was not in the mood for getting made fun of right now. “Seriously, dude, what is it?”

“Seriously, dude, it’s my gang.”

“You’re shitting me. No offense, but you do not look like the gangster type.”

Jack gave Alex a curious look. “You have no idea how this school works, do you?”

Alex sighed. It wasn’t his fault that he was suddenly thrown in here without explanation. “Apparently not.”

“Maybe we should continue this conversation in my room,” Jack suggested. “It’s kind of a long story.”

Alex shrugged. “Fine by me.” He followed Jack through the maze of corridors to a long hallway lined with numbered doors. It certainly didn’t look like a school dormitory. Then again, this entire school didn’t look like any school Alex had ever seen. Everything seemed old and grand. Between that and the school uniform, he felt like a true preppy private-school boy.

Jack stopped in front of what Alex assumed was his room, pulled a key out of his pants pocket, and unlocked the door.

“Woah,” Alex whispered as he stepped inside. If he could have designed his bedroom any way he wanted, it would have looked almost exactly like Jack’s. The small lamps scattered throughout the room cast a warm glow, not at all like the harsh fluorescent lighting that he had come to associate with dorm rooms. Beneath the band posters that covered almost all available wall space, Alex could see that the place was painted a deep red that complimented the floors, which were a dark hardwood. The bed was unmade, there was dirty laundry scattered all over, and an electric guitar was propped up in the corner. It was perfect.

Jack kicked away some of his dirty clothes, clearing out space on the ground. “You can sit there,” he said, gesturing to the spot. He sat with his legs crossed on his bed and waited for Alex to get settled on the floor before he began. “So not everyone here at Renwick gets along very well. Lots of fighting, other violence, a few deaths-”

“Deaths?”

Jack rolled his eyes. “Yes, deaths, you’re at a school where they teach us to kill, what’d you expect? But anyway, this is why we have gangs. Your gang is your family. If you fuck with someone, their entire gang is gonna be after you, and trust me when I say that you do not want that. So basically, they keep the peace around here. There are alliances and truces and other stuff like that too, it’s all very complicated, not stuff you have to worry about yet.”

Jesus Christ, what kind of sick school did Alex get himself into? How was this stuff even allowed? Fuck, how was any of this even legal? “Alright, makes sense, I guess…” It did not make sense. “So who’re the other gangs around here?”

“There’s a bunch of them, but for now, you really only need to know about the five big ones,” Jack explained as if all of this was completely normal. “There’s Pierce the Veil, led by Vic Fuentes. Last time I checked, they had an alliance with Sleeping With Sirens, which is led by Kellin Quinn.” He smirked. “Pretty sure it’s cuz Vic and Kellin are a bit more than friends though, if you get what I mean.”

Alex cocked his head to the side. “Um, I don’t follow.”

“Y’know, they’re…” He made a weird hand gesture and looked at Alex expectantly.

“I’m still confused.”

“Alex, I love you, but sometimes you’re really dumb, you know that? I’m pretty sure Vic and Kellin are fucking each other, but don’t say anything about that around them, or your body will end up in a lake. I’m dead serious about that, by the way. Anyways, next, there’s The Youngbloods. Led by Patrick Stump…or Pete Wentz…one of them, I forgot who. Pretty much the only gang that can hold their own against The Killjoys. Now those guys are absolute legends. Absolutely insane, but they get shit done, and they get it done well. Honestly, my advice to you is to just stay outta their way altogether. It’s not worth getting mixed up with them. And lastly, there’s my little family, All Time Low. We take the newbies that don’t fit in anywhere else. We’re not exactly the strongest gang, and we don’t get a whole lotta respect, but, y’know, we stick together.”

Awesome. A school for the deadly arts that’s filled with teenagers in gangs. No way was this real. This had to be some sort of fucked-up dream, Alex was sure of it. But for now, at least, he might as well play along until he woke up from this nightmare. Jack was at least friendly. “Sounds great,” he said with a hint of sarcasm.

Jack’s eyes lit up with excitement. “So you’ll join?”

“Well, I don’t think I have anywhere else to go, do I?”

“Aw c’mon, that’s the wrong attitude to have about it,” Jack said with a pout.

“Can I join your gang or not?” Alex asked, exasperated.

The goofy grin on Jack’s face was replaced with a genuine smile. “Of course you can. Welcome to the family, Alex.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there! Thanks for taking the time to check out my first fanfiction! Comments and kudos are much appreciated. I do have a general outline for the rest of the story, but if you have any ideas or anything particular that you'd like to see in future chapters, let me know, and I'll do my best to incorporate it!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to the 3 people who subscribed to this fic - this one's for you guys!

“Well, now that that’s outta the way, guess we should go find out your room assignment,” Jack said, jumping off his bed. He led Alex to the administrative part of the school, where he was given his room number and a key. “So, based on your room number, I think you’re gonna end up with a roommate,” he explained as they walked to Alex’s dorm. 

“I guess that’s fine,” Alex said hesitantly. “But what if we like, hate each other?”

“School’s not gonna let you change rooms, so I guess you’ll just have to kill them before they kill you.”

Alex’s eyes widened in horror.

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding!” Jack said, patting him on the back. “I’m sure it’ll be fine. Look, I’ll go in first, see who it is and introduce you to each other. I pretty much know everyone in this place.”

Alex pushed Jack’s hand away. “Stop fucking scaring me like that! Everything’s so weird here, I can’t tell when you’re joking or not.” He paused. “But thanks for the offer.”

“Anytime.” 

They had finally reached the door with the correct number on it, and Jack took it upon himself to unlock it and stick his head inside to see if Alex’s roommate was there. Sure enough, on one of the twin beds sat a boy who looked up at the sound of the door opening and made eye contact. Jack blinked once and slowly withdrew back out into the hallway, softly closing the door behind him.

Alex was staring at him, wringing his hands anxiously. “What? What’s wrong?”

Jack looked just as shocked as Alex felt. “Dude, that’s Kellin Quinn in there.”

“Like gang-leader-of-a-gang-I’m-not-in Kellin Quinn?”

“The one and only,” Jack mumbled with a curious glance at the door.

“Fucking- what do I do?!” Alex wondered why there suddenly wasn’t enough air in the world and was on the verge of panic when Jack placed a firm hand on both of his shoulders.

“Hey, calm down,” he said in a lowered voice so as not to be heard by Kellin. “Generally speaking, Kellin’s a pretty cool dude. Just watch yourself, and don’t piss him off. I heard his home life is kinda shit, so steer clear of that topic. But you’ll be okay. And hey, you can always come hang in my room whenever you want.”

Alex took a deep breath. “Alright, okay, this is fine. Everything’s fine.”

“Do you have anything for protection?”

At this point, Alex had just accepted the fact that he was going to be confused by pretty much everything that Jack said. “What do you mean?”

“What do I mean?” Jack said incredulously. “It’s not safe here, dude, you gotta have something to protect yourself. A knife, a gun, a sword, anything. An attack chihuahua, I don’t know.”

“Are we even allowed to have those here?” He knew the answer before he even finished the question.

“Alex, murder school.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know…I’ve always wanted a sword, actually. Think it’d be pretty cool.”

“I was joking about the sword,” Jack said bluntly. “Kind of useless in a gunfight. So I’m assuming you don’t have anything because you’re an idiot.”

Alex crossed his arms in indignation. “Call me an idiot one more time and see what happens.”

Jack smirked and started pushing Alex down the hall. “Alright dipshit, come with me. I think I have an extra handgun lying around somewhere. We’ll try again with your new roommate afterward.”

Back to Jack’s room it was. He dragged a large briefcase out from under his bed and popped it open, revealing a small assortment of guns of varying sizes.

“Where did you even get these?” Alex asked in disbelief. It never really occurred to him until just then that Jack was also at this school for a reason. For all Alex knew, Jack was a skilled assassin that was already a seasoned murderer. His friendly demeanor indicated otherwise, but the thought still left a nagging feeling at the back of his mind.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll tell you some other time.” Jack picked up the smallest of the weapons and examined it to make sure everything was in working order. He nodded approvingly and handed the gun to Alex. “You know how to shoot?”

Alex gingerly took the weapon, holding it carefully as though it were a bomb about to go off at any second. “Yeah, my parents made me learn when I was 14. M’not very good at it, though. Not a big fan of guns in general.”

“Well, as long as you know the basics, that’s good enough for now. It’s for emergencies only, though, okay? There’s a pocket on the inside of your jacket that you can keep it in. Make sure it’s always there and make sure the safety’s always on. Don’t need you shooting yourself by accident.”

“Got it,” Alex said as he found the pocket that Jack had been talking about. The gun fit snugly inside, almost like the pocket had been explicitly designed for this purpose. It probably had been.

“You ready to go meet Kellin now? You’re gonna have to at some point today.”

The weight of the gun in his pocket gave Alex the confidence that he needed. Not that he wanted to hurt anyone, but now he at least had some sense of security. “Yeah, I think I’m ready. Let’s go.” Alex’s dorm wasn’t that far from Jack’s, and they were standing in front of the door once again in a matter of minutes.

“You need me to go in with you?” Jack asked.

Alex thought about it for a second, then shook his head. “Nah, I got this.” He turned the handle, looked uncertainly at Jack, who gave him a thumbs-up, and stepped inside.

“I was wondering when you were gonna show up.” Kellin was sitting on his bed with a book in his lap, which he snapped shut. He walked right up to Alex and held out his right hand. “Kellin Quinn. But I’m guessing you already knew that.”

Alex glanced down at the hand then warily up at Kellin.

He laughed. “Look, I’m not gonna hurt you. My crew comes first, but I have nothing against you. We’re allowed to be friends.”

Still not wholly convinced that Kellin wasn’t out to get him, Alex took the proffered hand. “I’m Alex Gaskarth.”

“Sweet. Well, that’s your side,” Kellin said, gesturing to the other side of the room. “Decorate however you want, I don’t really care.” He hopped onto his bed and opened his book back up. “Hope you like music cause I listen to it all day, every day.”

“Yeah, music is cool,” Alex said distantly. He studied the room, letting it sink in that this would be his home for the foreseeable future. Like Jack’s room, the walls were red, and the floors were dark wood, but where Jack only had one queen-size bed in his place, Alex had two twins separated by a small wooden dresser. Kellin’s side of the room was a mess of clothes, crumpled up notebook paper, and empty bottles of alcohol. In contrast, Alex’s side was completely spotless, except for a few cardboard boxes that he guessed contained all his stuff from home. With nothing else to do, he picked a box at random and started the long process of unpacking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments much appreciated!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. To think that we're living in a post-MCR reunion world. Never thought I'd see the day. Unfortunately, I was unable to get tickets to the show, but that's okay because I have VIP tickets to see All Time Low :D

Alex was so concentrated on folding his clothes neatly that he nearly had a heart attack when he felt a light tap on his shoulder. He spun around to see Kellin with an amused look on his face.

“Dinner time,” Kellin said. “You coming?”

“Yeah, one sec.” Alex looked at the shirt he was holding, thought for a moment, then tossed it onto his bed. “Alright, let’s go.”

Kellin led the way to the dining hall with Alex awkwardly trailing behind him. Waiting in line and getting food was easy enough, but then came the part that Alex had been dreading. He stood there at the front of the dining hall, frantically scanning the room for an empty table or a familiar face. That’s when Kellin once again appeared out of nowhere and pointed to a table in the far corner. “That’s gonna be where you wanna sit,” he said with a small smile.

Alex peered over at where Kellin was pointing and breathed a sigh of relief when he recognized Jack sitting there with a few other guys. “Thanks,” he said, only to look over and realize that Kellin had already disappeared. Impressed with Kellin’s apparent teleportation abilities, Alex quickly wove his way through tables of rowdy teens. When he approached, Jack had his back to him, but the two guys he was talking to glanced up when Alex stopped in front of their table. Jack then turned around and practically jumped out of his seat with excitement.

“Alex! You’re not dead!” He patted the seat next to him. “Here, sit next to me.”

Alex placed his tray on the table and sat down where Jack had told him to. “Hey guys,” he said uncertainly. He couldn’t shake the feeling that he was invading their space. Alex was the new kid, an outsider. What if Jack’s friends didn’t like him? What if he got kicked out of All Time Low because of it? He didn’t have anywhere else to go. Maybe Kellin would take him in…

“So this is Rian,” Jack said, pointing to one of the other boys at the table. “And this is Zack.” He pointed to the other.

Zack reached across the table and shook Alex’s hand. “Jack hasn’t shut up about you since we got here. Nice to finally meet you.”

“Yeah, you too.” Alex was trying not to smile too much. Jack had been talking about him? What could he possibly have been telling them?

Rian greeted him in a similar fashion. “So after this, we were gonna head back to Jack’s place and play video games or something. You’re welcome to join.”

Alex’s smile brightened at the offer. Looks like he didn’t have anything to worry about after all. Probably. “Yeah, definitely. Sounds fun!”

Fast forward a few hours, and Jack, Alex, Zack, and Rian were side by side in front of the small TV, aggressively pressing the buttons on their game controllers. They were just playing a generic racing game, but that didn’t mean they were taking it any less seriously. Rian was sitting in quiet concentration while Zack was muttering expletives under his breath. Meanwhile, Jack and Alex were going all out, desperately trying to push one another over while not crashing their own car.

“Dammit, Jack, you fucking cheater!” Alex fell over, somehow managing to keep both hands on his controller, continuing to play from his now awkward position on the floor. 

“All’s fair in love and video games,” Jack proclaimed as he scooted over and sat himself down on top of Alex, effectively trapping him on the ground. 

Rian glanced at the pair for only a moment before going back to the screen. “Get a room, you two.”

“I’m down,” Jack said innocently. “Care to join us, Zack?”

Alex was glad that everybody was so focused on the game because he knew there was no way to hide the blush on his face. 

“Hell yeah!” Zack abruptly jumped up, arms raised in victory.

Jack feigned surprise.“Zack! I didn’t know you were into that kind of thing!”

“Oh fuck off, you’re just mad that I won.”

“Nah, I let you win,” Jack said, rolling off of Alex. “Anyone want a drink?” He walked over to a minifridge in the corner and pulled out a few beers. Rian and Zack both took one without question, but Alex hesitated.

“Wait, we aren’t-“

“Old enough?” Jack finished. “Alex, you pure child, it’s stupidly easy to get a good fake ID here, I can hook you up with a guy. But here, live a little.” He pushed the bottle into Alex’s hand and waited. After a moment of careful consideration, Alex slowly opened the drink and took a small sip.

Jack smiled mischievously. “Alright, now that we’ve tainted Alex, who’s up for another round?”

That night would be one that Alex would remember for years to come as the first time he really felt like he belonged somewhere. Like he was wanted. At his old school, he’d had friends, sure, but he was never that close with any of them. When they asked to hang out with him, it was only ever because someone they had asked first wasn’t able to. He was invited to little get-togethers every once in a while as an afterthought or because someone would feel bad if they didn’t at least ask him to come. But even when he was there, he would end up sitting in silence while nobody bothered to include him in the conversation. He’d go home afterward and lay in bed, feeling like absolute shit, going over and over again in his mind how the night could’ve gone so much better if he’d just said this or done that. Then he’d realize that he didn’t even have anyone to talk to about feeling like shit, which only made him feel shittier. He doubted that anyone back home realized that he wasn’t there anymore anyways. But something about drinking, laughing, and playing dumb games with Jack, Rian and Zack just felt right.

It was around one in the morning when Jack decided to wrap things up. “Alright guys, I hate to do this, but I think we gotta get some sleep. Alex has his first day of classes tomorrow, after all. Very exciting.” He reached over and switched off the TV despite protests from Alex, Zack, and Rian. “Stop being dramatic, we can hang out again tomorrow!” Jack opened the door to his room and gestured for everyone to “get the fuck out.” 

Zack and Rian eventually left with a few more “nice to meet you”s and “glad you’re here”s directed towards Alex. Then Jack was offering to walk Alex back to his room so he didn’t get ambushed in the hall, and how could he say no to that?

“Thanks for hanging out with us,” he said, walking beside Alex down the otherwise deserted corridor. “I think the guys really liked you.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah, definitely!”

“Well, that’s good,” Alex said with a lighthearted laugh. “I was so worried they wouldn’t.”

“Nah. Zack and Rian actually thought you wouldn’t wanna hang out because we’re probably way lamer than your other friends. We wouldn’t have blamed you. We’re really just a bunch of losers.”

Alex shrugged. “I don’t really have any other friends, so…”

Jack gave him a look of concern. He opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by the door to Alex’s room opening a little ways down the hall from where they were.

A boy that Alex had never seen before came out and began quickly walking away from them as though he didn’t want anyone to know he had been there.

Jack nudged Alex with his elbow and leaned closer to him. “Vic Fuentes,” he said quietly.

Alex made an “o” face. “Wait, that’s the guy who…and Kellin…”

“Yep, that’s him. Told ya they had a thing. But if anyone asks, you saw nothing.

“Absolutely nothing, got it.”

“I’ll see you at breakfast tomorrow?” Jack asked hopefully as they stopped in front of Alex’s door.

Alex nodded. “Yeah, I’ll see you then.”

“Cool. Well, goodnight, I guess.”

“Goodnight, Jack. Thanks for tonight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! (and for those awesome subscribers, thanks for sticking with me!) Comment, leave kudos, any ideas, you guys know the drill ;)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: the science-y things in here are based on facts but are definitely not 100% factual, and I'm just making it clear that I am not at all trying to pass this off as anything but a complete work of fiction. So suspend your disbelief and enjoy!

Alex walked into his fourth and final period of the day with a sigh of relief. His first three classes hadn’t been that bad, actually. Really, Renwick was like any other ordinary school, just with a bit of a…morbid twist. His first period had been history, which, as you probably already guessed, was centered mostly around famous assassinations and other notable crimes in American history. Alex would be lying if he said the class wasn’t at least interesting. Jack was in that class as well, much to Alex’s delight. In fact, Jack was in Alex’s second period too, which was like PE, but instead of playing dodgeball, they had just started a unit about different types of knives and how to use them in hand to hand combat. Scary stuff, but still arguably better than being forced to play ultimate frisbee. Third period was an elective that Alex had chosen to take about crime in literature. Also quite intriguing.

All in all, the day had been pretty uneventful. The class Alex was standing in now was chemistry, definitely not his strongest subject based on how he had done in chem last year at his old school. He saw Rian sitting in the corner, though, and quickly crossed the room to sit next to him.

“Hey, what’s up, dude?” Rian asked.

Alex threw his books onto the desk and sat down. “Nothing, really. Just waiting for this day to be over.” 

“Yeah, I feel that. You been having a good first day?”

“I guess. Jack’s in my first two classes, so that’s good, I guess.”

Rian scoffed and put his feet up on the table. “Yeah, a good distraction – oh shit, teacher.” He quickly got his feet back on the floor, nearly tipping his chair over backward in the process.

Sure enough, a young woman who looked to be in her mid-20s entered the room. With her long black hair and slim frame, Alex thought she was quite beautiful, albeit definitely not his type. She wore a white blouse and a black pencil skirt with a pair of glasses perched on the bridge of her perfect nose. Written on the chalkboard behind her in neat cursive was what Alex assumed was her name, Ms. Martel.

She stood in front of the class, hands clasped behind her back, and cleared her throat. “I’d like to start today by asking our new student to join me for a class demonstration,” she said, looking directly at Alex.

Alex shared a look of confusion with Rian, but nevertheless, stood up and walked to the front of the classroom, very much aware that everyone’s eyes were on him.

“What’s your name?” Ms. Martel asked as he stood beside her.

“Alex Gaskarth,” he said with a slight tremor in his voice. She was even more intimidating up close.

She handed him a small paper cup with a clear liquid inside. “Drink this.”

He eyed the cup suspiciously. Nothing good could come of this.

Ms. Martel gave him a small smile and leaned in conspiratorially. “Don’t worry, it isn’t harmful in any way.”

Well, she seemed trustworthy enough. Teachers couldn’t hurt students, right? Maybe? Before he could talk himself out of it, Alex downed the small cup of mystery liquid in one go then looked at the teacher for further instruction.

The friendly smile immediately fell from Ms. Martel’s face. “Alright, now does anyone want to tell me what I’ve just poisoned Mr. Gaskarth with?”

Rian jumped up out of his seat.

“Mr. Dawson,” she said, directing her piercing gaze at him. “Do you have an answer that you’d like to share with the class?”

“N-no…” He couldn’t tear himself away from the look of absolute terror on Alex’s face. 

“Does anyone else have any ideas?” 

The class was silent, except for the sound of Alex’s labored breathing. Ms. Martel’s expression remained completely emotionless as she watched Alex drop to his knees, then collapse on the floor, gasping for air. 

Rian had to fight the urge to run and get help. He was all too aware of how this school worked and knew that trying to do anything would only ensure Alex’s death. He felt totally helpless. Fuck, fuck, fuck, Jack was gonna kill him if he let Alex die!

“Can anyone answer my question now that we’re seeing some of its effects?”

A girl in the front row hesitantly raised her hand. “Is it arsenic?”

Ms. Martel made a noise of disapproval. “A person who has ingested arsenic will take at least 30 minutes to show symptoms.” She sat down behind her desk and began tapping her fingers impatiently. “Come on, people! This was in your assigned readings for this week!”

Of course! The readings! Shit, he knew he should’ve done those! Rian threw open his textbook and rapidly flipped through the pages with shaking hands. He scanned down the rows of poisons and their effects, stopping only to glance at Alex, who was still struggling to breathe. Names flew by faster than he could process. Acetone, bleach, carbon monoxide, cyanide…cyanide. “It’s cyanide!” Rian called out hastily.

“That’s correct,” Ms. Martel said as she calmly opened one of her desk drawers. She pulled out a syringe filled with a dark red liquid and uncapped it before walking back over beside Alex’s convulsing body. “I have an antidote here, but before I use it, can you also tell me its name?”

Rian frantically scanned his textbook for the answer. “Um, dicobalt edetate!”

“A good guess, but no. Look at the color here. That should give you a good hint.”

Rian slammed his hand down on his desk. Alex was gonna die, and it’d be all Rian’s fault because he was too busy playing video games to do his homework. He’d only known Alex for a day, but they were brothers now, and if he died here, Rian wouldn’t be letting just Alex down, but Jack and Zack too. He felt his eyes burn from unshed tears. Rian didn’t think he’d ever been so frustrated in his life. She had the antidote right fucking there! “FUCK. Okay, it’s …it’s.. hydroxo…co…balamin!” He cursed himself for stumbling over the long word. 

“Took you long enough.” She knelt down and administered the injection with the careful hands of an expert. 

Alex’s rapid breathing slowed, and for a few terrifying moments, Rian was sure that he had died. But as quickly as he had stilled, Alex suddenly flipped over and began coughing painfully. Rian slumped back in his seat, exhausted. That was enough emotion for one day.

“Someone pick him up,” Ms. Martel said dismissively.

Rian wasted no time running to the front of the room and helping Alex back to his seat. He was pale and shaking and was now likely traumatized for life. Or so Rian truly believed. 

Ms. Martel, meanwhile, continued as though nothing had ever happened. “Keep in mind that what you just saw was a result of a very, very small dose of cyanide. Any more and he’d have been dead in seconds. There shouldn’t be any long term effects in this case. Probably.” She went off on a lecture about similar poisons and their historical uses, but Rian and Alex had long since stopped listening.

Now settled back in at their respective desks, Rian gently placed a hand on Alex’s arm. “Hey, are you okay?” he asked sincerely.

Alex ignored the question and laid his head on the desk, doing his best to hide the tears silently streaming down his face. “Fuck this school.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are a good way to let me know that you guys want more, but I love all my readers, you guys are the best, the NP re-recording slaps, have a nice day


	5. Chapter 5

Alex lay on his bed, staring blankly up at a stain on the ceiling. It was brown and splotchy, so faded with age that you could barely even see it. What was it? How did it even get up there? He shivered. Despite there being no windows in the room, the cold weather was beginning to seep inside. But getting under the covers just seemed like so much work right now. Alex wondered if he could get himself sick lying here in the cold for this long. Then he’d at least have an excuse not to get up. He felt the bed sink as Kellin sat beside him.

“You okay, buddy?” he asked.

No, Alex really wasn’t okay, but he couldn’t just come out and say that, could he? Didn’t wanna look desperate for attention. Although lying here for an hour, staring up at the ceiling seemed kind of like he was desperate for attention. Dammit. He flinched when Kellin patted him on the shoulder.

“Well, I’m here if you need someone to talk to,” Kellin said, moving back over to his desk. “I’ve also got half a bottle of vodka somewhere around here if that’s your preferred method of dealing with things.”

Alex had never tried to drown his feelings with alcohol before, but that was only because he was afraid of his parents finding out. But his parents weren’t here right now, were they? No, they had dropped him off at this fucked up school with its sadistic teachers and trigger happy students. Left him here to fend for himself. So why not go ahead and drink his problems away? What did he have to lose? Absolutely nothing, that’s for sure. “Hey, Kellin?” he said quietly.

“Yeah?”

“I’ll take that vodka.”

Kellin dug around through the pile of clothes on the floor and his desk drawers before finding the bottle underneath a dresser.

Alex struggled to sit up and took it with a small “thanks.”

“Knock yourself out,” Kellin said with a nod. “Not…literally, though.”

Sitting with his legs hanging over the side of his bed, Alex unscrewed the lid and recoiled at the smell of alcohol. Wait…was this really a good idea? He stared at the bottle in his hands, reconsidering. Fuck it. He took a drink, eyes watering as the alcohol burned his throat. It hurt and tasted like hand sanitizer, but after a moment of letting it sink in, Alex decided that it wasn’t actually that bad. Anything to dull the pain. He went for another drink but was startled by a frantic knocking at the door.

Kellin opened the door a crack so Alex couldn’t see who it was.

“Is Alex here?”

Shit. 

Kellin stepped aside, and Jack flew into the room. His heart broke when he saw Alex sitting there dejectedly with a glassy look in his eyes and a bottle of alcohol in his hands. “Oh, Alex, no.” He took the bottle from him and placed it on the nightstand. “How much did you drink?” 

“Just a little,” Alex muttered.

Jack took a seat next to him and leaned in close. “Rian told me what happened,” he said softly. “Are you okay?”

Alex gave a slight shake of his head. “I feel kinda dizzy.”

“Yeah, that’s what happens when you take your first shot,” Jack said with a forced laugh. A heavy silence fell over the room. Neither of them knew what to say. They both looked up, though, when Kellin started gathering his stuff and made to leave.

“I’m, uh, gonna go,” he said, opening the door. “Make good choices. Bye.”

And with that, they were alone. Alex collapsed back onto his bed and threw an arm across his eyes to hide the tears that were gathering. Something about Jack actually giving a shit about his wellbeing had pulled him out of the numb haze he’d been stuck in all afternoon. This was dumb. This was so, so stupid. He was being overdramatic and definitely begging for attention, and Jack should just leave him alone to wallow in self-pity and go be with his better, more mentally stable friends who are fun and cool and don’t cry like babies and –

“I’m sorry.”

What? “What are you sorry for?” Alex asked tearfully.

“I should’ve told you what to expect,” Jack said. “Teachers always give new students crap, and I was an idiot and didn’t even think to warn you. I’ve never heard of any teacher doing something like that, though. That was just fucked up, and I’m so sorry that that happened to you.” 

“It’s fine. There was nothing you could’ve done about it anyway.”

“Well, I could’ve tried.” Jack knew that there was no way he could’ve known that anything would happen, but he was pissed at himself anyways.

And that was what pushed Alex over the edge. Something had broken, and he felt hot tears sliding down his face and an aching pain in his chest. “I don’t wanna be here anymore.”

The words were barely audible, but they still managed to shatter Jack’s heart into a million little pieces. He lay down next to Alex and gently pulled his arm away from his face. Their eyes met. “Hey, it’s gonna be okay. I promise.”

“I wanna go home,” Alex said with a choked sob. “I just want everything to go back to the way it was.”

“Look, I know change is scary, but I’m sure your parents sent you here for a good reason. They want what’s best for you. And now you’ve got me and Rian and Zack, and we’re all here for you.”

Alex let out a harsh laugh. “I almost died. I thought I was gonna die. I was so fucking scared. Do you have any idea what that’s even like?” 

Wordlessly, Jack reached down and pulled up his shirt, exposing a nasty scar on his side. 

Alex’s eyes softened. “What-“

“Got shot,” Jack said, covering the scar back up. “I was clinically dead for a minute and a half.”

“How did you…“ Alex trailed off, unsure if he’d be prying too much.

“It’s not really something I like talking about,” Jack said quickly. “It’s beside the point anyway. The point is: I know that this can be a dangerous place. But what happened to me happened. It’s in the past. It’s over now. I didn’t give up on this place, and I don’t regret that decision. This is home. This is where my family is. And now you’re a part of that family too. And I don’t want you to go.”

Alex turned his gaze back to the ceiling. He’d never felt so conflicted. He missed the monotony of his old life, but his old life had also been a sad and lonely one. But there was something to be said about the safety in day after day of the same routine, always knowing exactly what to expect, ghosting through life without too much effort. Deep down, Alex knew that he had wanted something more, something that made life worth living. He also knew that this definitely wasn’t it. But if this was the best that he was going to get, then fine. So be it. At least he had friends that cared about him here. That was certainly a welcome addition.

Jack gently nudged his arm. “Alex?”

Alex sighed deeply. He was emotionally exhausted, tired of crying, and frankly, he just didn’t have the energy to care anymore. “Yeah, fine, I’ll stay. Not like I have any way of getting home anyways.”

That stupid grin was back on Jack’s face, and he rolled off the bed before helping Alex up too. “Video games?”

Alex nodded. “Video games.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment! Kudos! Whatever you want, I'm just glad you're here!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry that this took so long to get up! Shout out to awgaskarth0805 for inspiring me to continue writing - highly recommend checking out her work, it's awesome!

The next morning, Alex sat quietly at breakfast with Jack, Rian, and Zack. He hadn’t been able to sleep the night before and just wanted to crawl back into bed and stay there all day. Or forever. He wasn’t in the mood to deal with anything or anyone, and his bad mood seemed to be bringing everyone else down. Jack had tried his best to make some jokes and lighten the atmosphere, but it only made the unease more apparent. Eventually, he gave up too and was left eating in silence with everyone else.

“Hey, why didn’t you get any food?” Jack asked, poking Alex’s arm.

“Not hungry. Didn’t get any sleep last night.” As if to prove his point, Alex put his head down on the table and closed his eyes.

“Do you want some of my food?”

“No, thanks.”

“Do you want me to get you some food?”

“No, Jack.”

“Okay, I’ll go get you something.” Jack jumped out of his seat and ran off to presumably go get food despite Alex’s half-hearted protests. A few moments later, he came running back with a bowl of dry cereal, which was subsequently dropped on the table in front of Alex’s face, startling him. “Eat the food,” Jack said, sitting back down in his seat.

Defeated, Alex picked up the spoon that had been brought to him and began slowly eating the cereal. It tasted like cardboard. Satisfied, Jack started a conversation with Zack and Rian, but Alex was too preoccupied to join in. He was too busy thinking of ways to get out of his chemistry class that day. Just the thought of sitting in that classroom again was enough to make his anxiety spike. He couldn’t just ditch. That’d get him in trouble for sure. And he wasn’t positive about what the school’s policy on being sick was. He could always just go throw himself into traffic. That was a valid option. Alex was considering how much it would really hurt to get run over by a semi-truck when he was pulled from his thoughts.

“Alex? We gotta get to class, dude, c’mon.”

Alex glanced up to see Jack, Rian, and Zack ready to go and looking at him expectantly. After quickly cleaning up and grabbing his things, Alex left the dining hall with them, trailing slightly behind in his reluctance to start the day. His first three periods went by fast, way too fast. Alex had spent the entirety of those classes avoiding Jack’s worried looks and hoping for something to happen that would get him out of fourth period. Still, luck must not have been on his side because the day, unfortunately, went without incident.

The bell rang, signaling the end of third period and the beginning of Alex’s complete mental breakdown. It became increasingly difficult to breathe as he walked down the hall, and he had to put all his concentration into just putting one foot in front of the other. Students passed by in a blur of color, their voices a deafening cacophony of unintelligible noise. When he was close enough to see the door to his chem class, he stumbled over to the nearest row of lockers and heavily leaned against them. He couldn’t do this. There was no way. He’d just go hide out in his room and deal with the consequences later. 

Alex jumped when a firm hand grasped his upper arm. He turned and saw Rian looking at him with concern. 

“You alright, dude?”

Eyes wide in panic, Alex shook his head.

Rian sighed and gently tugged him in the direction of the classroom. “C’mon, we can sit in the back, and nobody will pay any attention to us.”

“N-no!” Alex jerked his arm away. “I’m just gonna go back to my room.”

“Alex, you’re going to get in trouble if you just ditch,” Rian said seriously. He grabbed Alex’s arm again and began pulling him towards the door more forcefully.

Alex desperately tried to get away, but Rian’s grip was just too strong. “Ow, fuck, you’re hurting me! Rian, seriously!” he pleaded.

Rian suddenly whipped around and looked Alex dead in the eyes. “Okay, look,” he said, irritated. “You need to get this through your head. This is not an ordinary school. Normal laws do not apply here. If you get caught doing anything, even just skipping class, there is no telling what they will do to you. You might just get away with detention. But if the principal’s in a bad mood, you can just as easily end up tied in the basement and tortured for three days. There is literally nothing stopping them. So get over yourself and let’s go.”

Alex just stood there for a moment in shocked silence before following Rian without a fight. They took the two seats in the corner of the very back of the room (which Rian was surprised to find vacant) and waited for class to start. Alex couldn’t stop his leg from bouncing, and as soon as Ms. Martel walked in, he had to resist the urge to run to the bathroom and hide there for the entire class. 

“You’ll be fine,” Rian muttered.

And just like Rian had said, Ms. Martel completely ignored them. It was like they didn’t even exist. Alex, however, remained on high alert the entire hour and twenty minutes, and by the time the bell rang, and he could finally breathe normally again, he felt absolutely exhausted. He walked quickly down the hallway, wanting to get some sleep as soon as possible. The thought of being unconscious for a while and not having to think about anything was just so tempting.

“Alex, hey, wait up!”

He closed his eyes and groaned. What now? Slowing his pace, he glanced over his shoulder to see Jack racing up the hall towards him. 

“There’s a concert going on in town tonight, and I got an extra ticket, “Jack said. “You wanna come? I won’t make you pay for it. Ticket’s yours, free of charge.”

Alex frowned. “I just…I don’t know…”

“Please? It’ll be fun, I promise. Don’t make me go by myself!”

“Can’t you ask Rian or Zack?”

“They’re both busy tonight,” Jack said with a pout. “Pleeease?”

“How do you know I’m not busy tonight too?” Alex asked defensively.

“Alex, we both know that you’re not doing anything.”

There was a small pause. “Yeah, you’re right,” Alex eventually conceded. “Okay, fine, I’ll go. Maybe. Who’s playing?”

At this point, Jack was nearly bouncing up and down with excitement. “Just some little local band. They do the whole pop-punk thing. I’ve seen em before. They were pretty good.”

Alex sighed. “Alright, fine, I guess I’m in.”

“Sweet! Okay, meet at my room around seven, and we’ll head out?”

“Yeah, sounds good.” Dammit, why did he agree to this? What is it about Jack that makes it impossible to say ‘no’ to him? He probably has mind control powers. Yeah, that’s it.

“Great! I will see you then.” Jack winked at him and began walking away.

And with that, Alex started heading back to his own room, unable to keep himself from smiling just a bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! This particular chapter was a bit hard to write just because we're kinda transitioning from exposition to rising action, so...shit's gonna hit the fan real soon. Anyways, leave some kudos or a comment if you feel so inclined. Next chapter should be up in a week, I'm super excited about it!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I kind of totally lied about how soon I'd have this chapter out, whoops. I been real busy (not really) over the past few weeks during which I went to my very first All Time Low concert! I did the acoustic session and meet & greet thing too which was awesome - the band was super nice, I got hugs from all of them, I cried, it was great, anyways, sorry for the wait, please enjoy!

There's something about being at a concert that makes the outside world melt away - something about standing in a dark room with a bunch of people you don't know while music is playing so loudly you can feel yourself going deaf. You can just live in the moment and forget everything else.

Jack and Alex were walking away from the venue with smiles on their faces, their problems temporarily forgotten in that post-concert high. The small crowd of people leaving had dispersed, and they were left walking down the street alone.

"So, did you have fun?" Jack asked.

Alex looked up at the sky, at the twinkling stars above and the nearly full moon that was casting everything in a soft glow. "Yeah, I had a lot of fun. I'm glad you dragged me along."

Jack laughed. "Good. I'm glad I was able to get you to come." He didn't point out that Alex was smiling and laughing again, which was all that really mattered. "Now, if you liked that band, I have a few others that…I…" He trailed off.

"That you…?" Alex glanced at Jack, whose carefree attitude had suddenly disappeared.

"We're being followed. Don't look," Jack said quietly.

Alex could feel the panic settling in. "What do we- what do we do?"

"Keep walking at a normal pace and follow me." Jack gave him a reassuring look. "Don't worry, I'll keep you safe."

Alex nodded and followed him around a corner. They quickly ducked into an alley where Jack pressed himself up against the brick wall and peered out onto the street with the small gun he always carried held close to his chest.

"Get back," Jack instructed without taking his eyes off the street. "I'll let you know when the coast is clear. Be ready to run." He glanced to the right, to the left, then looked back at Alex to give him the go-ahead. But just as he turned, there was a flash of silver, the sound of a blunt object making contact, and Jack crumpled to the ground.

Ignoring all the instincts that told him to fucking run, Alex hurried over to where Jack lay unconscious and dropped to his knees. He placed a hand on Jack's shoulder and began frantically shaking him. "Jack, fuck, wake up! C'mon, get – "

Alex stopped breathing when he felt the cold metal barrel of a gun pressed against his head.

"Where are your parents?"

He couldn't bring himself to look up at the man who had spoken. He was terrified. He was so, so scared. He couldn't even process what the man had said, much less answer his question. His mind was spinning. He needed Jack. Jack would know what to do. Why wasn't Jack waking up? Was he dying? Was he dead? There was blood on the pavement, Jack's blood. Alex was fixated on the deep red liquid.

"Where are your parents?" the man repeated with a hint of impatience.

"I-I don't know." Alex nearly choked just trying to get the words out. The gun was pushed harder against his head, and he squeezed his eyes shut, letting a few stray tears escape.

"Well, you better fucking figure it out, or I swear to god, I'm gonna blow your brains out."

Alex sobbed. "I don't know! I don't know what you want, just please let us go, please please please."

"Look, kid, if I just let you go, it's not gonna be too long until someone else comes along and asks you the same thing. And they might not be as nice as me. Y'see, if you give me what I want, I might just let you walk away from here alive. Not everyone would be willing to give you such a good deal, so you might as well just get it over with now."

"Then fucking get it over with," Alex said softly.

The man sighed. "Well, shit, that's not gonna work."

Alex's breath hitched as he felt the gun being moved away from him.

"Tell me where your parents are, or he dies."

Eyes widening in horror, Alex slowly looked up to find the gun now pointed directly at where Jack still lay unconscious. "Don't," he said weakly.

"He doesn't have to die. You know what I want."

Alex was quickly glancing between the gun and Jack's limp body. He felt dizzy and lightheaded. Jack was about to die, and it was entirely his fault. God, he really was an idiot. It was while he was desperately looking around for something, anything to get them out of this mess, that Alex spotted Jack's gun, which had fallen to the ground when he was knocked out. In a moment of clarity, he snatched up the weapon and aimed it at the man's mask-covered face with shaking hands. The man saw what Alex was doing and doubled over with laughter. Alex faltered. This had not at all been the reaction he was expecting.

"Oh bull_shit_," the man said after he had calmed down. "There's no way you could pull that trigger even if you wanted to. You're not a killer, you wouldn't be able to live with yourself."

Alex nearly lowered the gun. The guy was right. He couldn't just shoot someone, even if they were threatening to kill him. But if he didn't do anything, Jack would die. Either way, someone would die tonight, and it'd be all Alex's fault. The world was one big blur, and he just wanted to disappear. This was a nightmare, it had to be. This wasn't happening. None of this was real. He'd close his eyes and wake up in his bed, back home in Maryland. His dad would be getting ready for work while his mom was downstairs watching the news and eating breakfast. Alex could see it so clearly. This was just a bad dream. He just had to wake up. He just had to close his eyes and…

There was a gunshot. A sharp ringing in his ears. Alex could feel himself falling backward. And then silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter was so short. It was originally intended to be longer, but I decided to leave it on a cliffhanger for unnecessary dramatic effect. No idea how long it'll be til I post the next chapter, but don't worry, it will be coming. Comments and kudos are definitely a good way to motivate me to write faster *wink wink nudge nudge* Also! If you ever wanna talk about bands or whatever or just say hi, feel free to shoot me a message on tumblr @satellites-n-stars.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this entire chapter tonight which is like, a personal record. And thank you so much for the kind comments last chapter! I really, truly appreciate everyone who took the time to share their thoughts. Also, personal update: I know I said in the comments that I didn't have a great time at my first ATL concert and was very hesitant to go to another one, but when they announced those 3 shows they're doing this week, I kinda freaked and got a ticket to the Baltimore show haha oops Well hopefully, this one will go better. Anyways, I'm kinda proud of this chapter, so please enjoy!!!

Alex sat up with a gasp. After a moment of disorientation, he remembered the deafening gunshot and immediately patted himself down for injuries. He breathed a sigh of relief when he determined that he was okay. Everything was okay…

“You little fucker.”

With a shaky breath, Alex turned his gaze upward towards the man who had attacked them. There was a dark stain spreading from his chest. He watched in terror as the man took a step forward and promptly collapsed, never to wake again.

Alex looked down, saw the gun in his hands, and dropped it as though it had burned him. The reality of what he’d just done slowly dawned on him. He’d just killed someone. Murdered them. Ended their life as though it had any less worth than his own. What if that man had a family? A wife? Kids? People who loved him that had never done any wrong in their lives and didn’t deserve the pain of loss?

There was a groan, and Alex turned in time to see Jack roll over and push himself into a sitting position with unsteady arms. 

“Jesus fuck,” Jack said, putting a hand to the side of his head. The entire right half of his face was covered in blood. He caught sight of the dead body, and his eyes widened. “Did you do that?” he asked Alex in disbelief.

Alex nodded, looking away as he was overcome with a new wave of tears. He was a killer. A murderer.

Jack opened his arms wide, and Alex fell into his embrace.

He didn’t care that he was crying in front of Jack. Didn’t care that he was a sobbing mess. That he was pressing his face into Jack’s shoulder and probably ruining his already-ruined shirt. He couldn’t bring himself to care about anything at the moment other than the crushing feeling of guilt he was experiencing.

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Jack said softly. He held Alex tightly. “It’ll be okay, I promise. It’s not your fault. You’ll be okay.”

The heartwrenching sobbing turned into quiet cries, and the crying turned into shuddering breaths. Jack whispered comforting words through all of it, despite knowing that it was in their best interest to get out of there as soon as possible. 

Eventually, though, Alex pulled away and wiped the leftover tears from his cheeks. 

“Are you okay to go back home now?” Jack asked.

Alex silently nodded.

“Alright then, let’s go home.” He made to get up before remembering something. “Um, Alex…” He hesitated. “The gun…can’t leave evidence.”

Alex hated the way Jack said evidence. Like this was a crime scene. And he was a criminal. Nevertheless, Alex gingerly picked up the weapon and slid it into his jacket pocket. He then helped Jack to his feet, placed an arm around his shoulders, and let Jack lean on him for support. Together they stumbled down the sidewalk, Jack’s weight becoming increasingly heavier and his breathing becoming steadily more ragged with every step they took towards the school’s hidden entrance.

“Is there like, a school nurse or something?” Alex asked with a worried glance at Jack, who looked about ready to pass out.

Jack shook his head, wincing at the movement. “Just…take me to my room. Zack and Rian can take care of it.”

“Um, are you sure? I’m kind of legitimately worried that you’re gonna die, and I would feel a lot better leaving you with, y’know, professionals.”

“Alex, please, just do what I tell you to,” Jack said, squeezing his eyes shut from the pain and nearly tripping over his own feet.

“Okay, okay, your room.”

Alex was almost carrying Jack by the time they made it. It was only by sheer luck that they managed to avoid any curious glances in the thankfully deserted hall. He helped Jack onto his bed, neither of them caring about the sweat and blood that was surely going to stain the sheets. Alex had no idea how to take care of someone who more than likely was suffering from a nasty concussion. He did, however, remember reading something about not letting them fall asleep, so he decided to just roll with that. Better safe than sorry. He gently shook Jack’s shoulder. “Hey, I need you to stay awake. Please.” He waited until Jack’s eyes fluttered open, his heart plummeting when he saw Jack struggling to keep him in focus. “Um, okay,” Alex said hastily. “I’m gonna go run and get Zack and Rian. You stay here, and, um, don’t fall asleep. Seriously. Also, what’s Zack and Rian’s room number again?”

After getting a mumbled answer from Jack, Alex sprinted down the hall, practically throwing himself at Zack and Rian’s door.

“Come on, come on, come on,” he muttered, waiting for someone to answer.

After what seemed like an eternity, a tired-looking Zack opened the door, surprised to see Alex standing there looking like an absolute wreck.

“Alex? What-”

“Jack’s hurt bad.”

That was all it took to snap Zack out of his sleepy state and for Rian to jump out of bed. The three of them ran full-tilt down the corridor, bursting into Jack’s room that Alex had left unlocked.

Rian took one look at Jack and rounded on Alex, grabbing him by the collar and pulling him close. “What the fuck did you do.”

“Lay off,” Jack said from his bed. “Wasn’t his fault.”

Rian huffed and let Alex go before turning his attention to Jack.

Alex was left to stand there helplessly as Zack and Rian ran around the room. Jack had been right when he said that they would know what to do. It wasn't long before the blood had been cleaned, and Jack had a white bandage around his head.

“Rian, if you don’t care, we should probably stay here and take turns waking him up every hour or whatever just to make sure he’s not dead,” Zack said, exhaustion clear in his voice. “Alex, you can go get some sleep.”

“Wait, no,” Jack protested. “I want Alex here.”

Zack and Rian shared a confused look. 

“Alright, then. I guess you can go back to bed, Rian,” Zack said.

Rian shrugged. “Fine by me. And Alex?”

Alex tensed up in preparation for another verbal threat.

“Sorry about earlier.”

“What? Oh, it’s alright,” Alex said with a small half-hearted smile.

Rian left, and Alex and Zack started to settle down for the night.

“Hey, Zack, I gotta talk to you real quick.” Jack motioned for Zack to come closer so as not to be overheard. “Watch Alex for me,” he said quietly. “He’s not in a good place right now, and I don’t want him hurting himself. Just keep an eye on him, don’t let him be alone.”

Zack still didn’t know what exactly had happened that night, but he could tell by Jack’s tone that he was seriously concerned about Alex’s wellbeing, and that was enough for him. He nodded. “You can count on me.”

Jack was finally able to relax a bit. “Thank you.” He allowed his eyes to close and fell asleep almost instantly.

It was going to be a long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure when the next chapter will be up. I literally just got back to school, and the new semester will be starting on Monday, so either I won't have much time and/or motivation to write, or this story will just get steadily darker and darker as my mental state deteriorates due to stress because of school. But this is the longest fic I have ever written, and I stubbornly refuse to give up on it, so there. Feel free to comment if you are so inclined, and totally come say hi to me on tumblr @satellites-n-stars. Thanks for reading this piece of garbage, love you guys :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm back! Sorry it's been so long since my last update! And a heck of a lot has happened since then, wow. I'm assuming we're all excited for the new album??? I actually cannot wait haha It's also been a few weeks now, but I did get to see ATL in Baltimore and had an amazing time! It was much better than my experience at the NP show I was at. And Jack said hi to me as I was walking back to my car afterwards so :) Anyways, enjoy this new chapter!

After Jack had passed out, Zack turned off all the lights except for a small lamp in the corner and went to collect a bunch of extra blankets and pillows from around the room. He threw everything together in the middle of the floor, creating a makeshift bed and triggering very specific memories of making similar piles of pillows late at night during sleepovers at his childhood friends’ homes. And damn, what Zack wouldn’t give to be a kid again. When sleepovers were the most exciting thing he could think of, and the thing he feared most was the monster under his bed. When he was still ignorant of the true corruption and violence in the world.

Alex still hadn’t said anything about what he and Jack had just gone through, but Zack knew that it must’ve been really awful from the way Alex was curled up in the corner, knees pulled up to his chest and hands tangled in his hair. He couldn’t help but feel bad for the poor kid but didn’t think he had anything to say that would be of any help. 

Once Zack was satisfied with his work, he gently nudged Alex’s foot and silently gestured towards the pillow pile.

“You, uh, got something on your shirt there,” he said quietly as Alex stood up.

Alex looked down at where Zack was pointing, eyes widening when he saw the blood staining his shirt. It was dark and all dried up, not at all like the blood that had pooled on the pavement and the blood that had covered Jack’s face and the blood that had spread from the bullet hole in the man that Alex had shot, killed, murdered.

“Woah, woah, woah, hey, calm down,” Zack said quickly, trying to get Alex to stop hyperventilating before he passed out. “I’m sorry. Um, here, you can borrow some of Jack’s clothes, he won’t care.” He went through Jack’s drawers until he found some t-shirts and dug through the pile (did the guy not believe in folding clothes?), pulling out a relatively clean looking one.

Alex accepted the clothing with a small “thanks” and headed towards the bathroom.

“Wait,” Zack said abruptly. “You can change here, I’ll just turn around.”

Alex gave him a confused look before shrugging it off. He switched shirts, making sure to push his ruined one deep into the trash can where he could forget it ever existed.

“Can I ask you something?” Alex said quietly, settling down on the floor beside Zack.

“Depends what it is.”

Alex continued to stare off into the distance with unfocused eyes. “Why are you here?”

Zack smiled. “If you’re asking me to justify my own existence, I can’t give you an answer.” He glanced over at Alex, who looked unamused, and let out a deep sigh. “My parents are secret service. Want me to ‘follow in their footsteps’ or some shit like that. Rian’s kind of in the same boat. His dad’s a big business guy. Very important.”

“And Jack?”

Zack hesitated. “I don’t…that’s something you should hear from him.”

Of course. Alex felt like he’d been through so much with Jack, but when it came down to it, he barely knew the guy. He wished he knew more. “Can you tell me how he got shot?”

Zack gave him a look of surprise. “He told you about that?”

“No, he just showed me the scar. Wouldn’t say anything else about it.”

“Well…I guess I can tell you that one since even if he does decide to tell you, he’ll totally downplay it like it was no big deal.” Zack paused, thinking about the best way to tell the story. “It happened last year. School was under attack.”

Alex’s eyes widened in disbelief.

“A lot of kids here have really important parents who all have their fair share of enemies. It makes sense that people would go after their kids,” Zack explained. “Especially since we’re all in the same place like this. Don’t get me wrong, though. This school has top-notch security. But that only tells you how dangerous these guys were that they actually made it inside. So they broke in, started shooting and taking people away. Jack was just trying to get me and Rian out.” 

Zack could still hear the screams and the gunshots, could still remember the feeling of absolute terror as the three of them ran through the halls, through the chaos. “There was an entrance to the air ducts in the back of a janitor’s closet. The plan was to just hide out in there until everything died down.” He remembered the frantic search for a screwdriver and Jack dropping to his knees, removing the metal grate with shaking hands and pushing him and Rian inside just as they heard footsteps running towards them. “Me and Rian got in fine, but Jack…he heard someone coming and shut me and Rian inside. Told us to be quiet. And then they shot him and left him to die.”

Alex stayed quiet. He didn’t know what to say. The thought of Jack taking a bullet for his friends only made Alex feel like even more of a worthless piece of garbage. He was a coward. He could never work up the courage to put himself in harm’s way like that. Even for someone he loved.

Zack glanced over at Jack with a small frown. “He’s got this martyr complex, and eventually, he’s gonna get himself killed.”

There were a few minutes where the two of them just sat there, side by side, in complete silence until Zack finally suggested they wake Jack up. He pushed himself up off their little pile and went to stand beside Jack, gently shaking him by the shoulder. “Jack, c’mon dude.”

Jack remained perfectly still, not even a small twitch.

“I know you don’t want to, but you gotta wake up.”

Still nothing.

“Jack.” He felt a sinking feeling in his stomach. “Jack!”

“Zack, what’s going on?” Alex asked, voice rising in panic.

He continued to violently shake Jack, ignoring Alex. “Jack, wake the fuck up, this isn’t fucking funny!” As a last-ditch effort, Zack gave him a firm slap to the cheek. 

Jack’s eyes slowly opened, and he let out a low whine. “Oww, Zack, what the fuck?” he said sleepily.

Zack dropped his hand and rolled his eyes. “Jesus Christ, dude, you scared the shit out of us. Thought you were gonna give poor Alex a panic attack.”

Jack raised his head a bit. “Alex, you okay?”

Alex nodded, wiping a few stray tears from his face.

Jack gave him a reassuring smile, then turned his attention back to Zack. “Can I go back to bed now?”

“Yes, just don’t…do that again.”

“S’not my fault I’m a heavy sleeper,” Jack mumbled.

“I know, I know…” Zack sounded absolutely exhausted. “You just scared me is all. Go back to bed, I’ve had enough of your shit for one night.”

“Alright, guess I’ll go die in my sleep now,” Jack said, shoving his face into his pillow.

Zack immediately punched him in the arm. “Don’t even fucking joke about that!”

“Fine, fine…can I get a goodnight kiss then?”

“I fucking hate you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Just wanted to let you all know that I've also started to write ATL one-shots and would really appreciate it if you gave them a read. I also really want to start taking requests for one-shots, so please please please if you like my writing and have any ideas that you would like for me to write for you, leave a comment below or message me on tumblr @satellites-n-stars!


	10. Chapter 10

The next few days were surprisingly…normal. In fact, Jack would go so far as to say that they were pretty good, actually. A little too good. 

He noticed that Alex was smiling, laughing, and making dirty jokes with the rest of them, but Jack just couldn’t shake that image out of his mind, the one of Alex, frightened, shaking, and crying in his arms. He was suppressing the memories of that traumatic night, not dealing with them properly, and Jack was afraid that Alex was going to snap. He wanted to sit Alex down and have him talk through it, if only for his own wellbeing, but there never seemed to be a good time to do it.

It had been 3 days since the incident, and that night, Alex couldn’t sleep. It was like his brain wouldn’t shut up. His mind was in a state of perpetual turmoil, one train of thought leading to another, and so on and so forth in one big deafening hurricane of psychological torture. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw blood spilled on asphalt, felt the kickback of his gun as he pulled the trigger, heard the man that he had just murdered crumple to the ground. Alex desperately needed a distraction, or he’d go insane.

Before he could fully process what he was doing, Alex had crept out of bed, grabbed a pair of scissors from his desk, and locked himself in the bathroom. He sat on the cold tile floor, staring blankly at his inner arm and placed the sharp edge of the scissors against his left wrist. He felt like he should be crying. He wanted to cry, but the tears just weren’t coming. The terrifying thought of Jack finding out what he was doing crossed Alex’s mind, but he quickly dismissed it, instead digging the blade deeper into his skin and dragging it across his wrist. 

He waited a few seconds to see the damage he’d done to himself. There was no blood, only a nasty looking scratch. For some reason, this made Alex more angry with himself. He wanted to bleed. He wanted to leave a mark. He wanted it to hurt more than just a slight sting. He knew that using a razor would be more effective, but razors were scary. Razors were what people used to kill. But scissors, those were familiar. Everyone uses scissors, even little kids. And if he was just using scissors, was what he was doing even that big of a deal?

He pressed the blade down even harder and started slashing at his skin, not caring if the cuts overlapped. With any luck, that’d just draw more blood. Alex eventually dropped the scissors and waited once again to see the consequences of his actions. To his satisfaction, a few of the cuts were bleeding. Not enough for the blood to run down his arm, but enough for Alex to forget the thoughts plaguing his mind. For now, at least.

He just sat there for a few minutes, hunched over his bleeding arm and wondering why he was so fucked up before crawling back into bed, careful not to let the sheets rub against his cuts. Closing his eyes, Alex put all his focus into the burning sensation in his arm and eventually fell into a dreamless sleep.

“What happened there?” Jack asked the next morning, pointing at the bandage that was peeking out from Alex’s sleeve. 

It was becoming increasingly difficult to breathe as Alex tried to laugh it off and tell some bullshit lie about how he “tripped and fell and must’ve cut it on the corner of a table or something.”

“Are you sure?”

Alex looked directly at him, fear in his eyes, and saw the worry and concern written all over Jack’s face. He knew. He absolutely knew what Alex had done, but he wasn’t forcing Alex to tell him. He was giving him the choice, and Alex felt like he was about to cry.

“Yes,” he said firmly. Alex instantly felt guilty and sat there, fidgeting in his seat, waiting, just waiting for Jack to call him out.

A heavy silence fell over them as Alex quietly pleaded for Jack to just drop it, please just let it go.

“Okay,” Jack said simply and went back to his breakfast like nothing had ever happened.

While he was relieved that the conversation was over, Alex felt like he was in a constant state of panic for the rest of the day. He felt lightheaded and couldn’t concentrate on anything, not to mention the heavy feeling of guilt hanging over him, the feeling of guilt that led him to knock on Jack’s door at 1 in the morning with nothing more than a muttered: “I lied.”

Jack pulled him inside, where they sat beside each other on the bed.

“Can I see?” Jack asked softly.

With a small nod, Alex peeled off the large bandaid he’d stuck on his wrist, exposing the marred skin beneath.

Jack frowned and gently took hold of Alex’s arm, lightly running his thumb across the cuts.

“Are you mad?”

“No, I’m just upset,” Jack admitted. “You know you can talk to me, right? Or Zack? Or Rian?”

“Yeah, I know, I just…wasn’t thinking.”

“I don’t know if that’s better or worse.”

“Look, it isn’t even that bad,” Alex said, pulling his arm away and positioning it in his lap so the cuts were no longer visible. “I just used scissors; there was barely any blood…”

“Alex, it doesn’t matter how bad it is. What matters is that you even felt the need to hurt yourself at all.”

Alex let out a deep sigh. “Jack, seriously, it’s not a big deal, can you please just forget about it?”

“What? No! Look, I know this conversation is weird and uncomfortable for both of us, but I just…you need to hear it. I’m worried about you.”

“Well I don’t-“

“Just stop,” Jack said, interrupting Alex mid-sentence. “For two seconds. Just shut up and listen. Please. This,” he continued, flipping Alex’s arm over and pointing at his wrist, “scares the shit out of me. You keep saying that it isn’t a big deal, that it isn’t that bad, well it is. It may not be life-threatening now, but it’s the start of a dangerous road that I don’t want you to go down. So please just promise me that you’ll stop, and if you ever feel like doing it again, you’ll talk to someone.”

Alex stared blankly at him. He was exhausted and genuinely didn’t understand why Jack was making such a big deal out of this.

“Alex, promise me.”

“Fine, fine,” he relented. “I promise.”

Jack immediately looked relieved. “I’m sorry for being so harsh, I just don’t wanna lose you. Not like this.”

“No, it’s fine…I just wanted to let you know. I’ll, uh, get back to my room now.” Alex stood to leave but stopped when he felt Jack tugging at the hem of his shirt.

“Wait,” Jack said. “Do you just wanna like, sleep here?”

“Why, so you can make sure I don’t try to off myself when you’re not there to watch me?” Alex asked with a hint of annoyance.

“No! It’s just late, and your room is…so far.”

Alex groaned. “Okay, fine, which side of the bed is yours?”

“Um, left side. You take right.”

Alex climbed into the bed, making sure to stay as far to the right as possible and facing away from Jack, who was also making a conscious effort not to stray too far from his side. But laying there together in the dark, neither of them really slept – Jack because he really had been worried about Alex going off and doing something reckless, and Alex because he really hated making promises he knew he couldn’t keep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was in a really dark place when I wrote this one hahaaa


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, look, I'm back! Sorry it's been so long!! Please enjoy!

The following morning, it was like nothing ever happened. And yet, at the same time, something was different.

Sometime while laying in bed beside Jack the previous night, Alex decided he was sick and tired of being miserable and breaking down in front of other people. He was done making himself vulnerable. So he put on this happy-go-lucky act that he hoped one day wouldn’t be just a façade. 

But Jack wasn’t dumb. It only took him a few days to see right through Alex’s little game of pretend. The slightly forced laughs, the smiles that didn’t quite reach his eyes, the increasing consumption of alcohol. And so, Jack did his best to ensure that Alex was never really alone. He was continually asking him to hang out or do homework together or volunteering Rian and Zack to go with Alex whenever he had to do something.

It was silly, really, how protective Jack was of Alex after knowing him for such a short time. It wasn’t like they even really knew each other. Jack just had this unexplainable need to keep him safe. Maybe it was the way Alex had turned to him for comfort during his first few days at Renwick. Or maybe it was because Alex was clearly overridden with a guilt that Jack was all too familiar with. Whatever the case, Jack was completely clueless as to why he felt the way he did.

Meanwhile, it had now been over two weeks since they were attacked in that alleyway. 

The day had gone by as normal as any other, and yet Alex was sitting in front of the TV, watching a movie and drinking like he was determined to clear out Jack’s entire alcohol supply. It was just one of those nights where emotions were exhausting and feeling nothing seemed like the right way to go.

If Alex were being honest, he’d say that he was completely and utterly disgusted with himself. A month ago, he’d never had so much as a sip of wine and now look where he was. Drinking beer after beer like his life depended on it. 

God, if only Alex’s parents could see him now. What would they think of their little boy wallowing in his own misery and getting wasted because he was too much of a coward to deal with real life? He couldn’t stand the thought of being even more of a disappointment to them than he already was. 

But the more he drank, the more Alex’s resentment towards his parents grew. After all, they were the ones who ditched him. He didn’t even know when they were coming back. If they were ever coming back at all. For all Alex knew, his parents had just gotten fed up with him and left him for good.

When did his life become this fucked-up mess?

Jack could only sit there helplessly as he watched Alex self-destruct. He desperately wanted to help. He just didn’t know how. It was just always so much easier to ignore problems than deal with them. 

Eventually, though, Alex stood to get yet another beer, and Jack decided it was time for him to step in.

“I think I’m gonna have to cut you off there, dude. You can barely walk straight.” Jack let out a strained laugh as he blocked Alex’s path to the fridge.

Swaying unsteadily on his feet, Alex gave him a teasing grin. “When did you become so uptight?”

“Since you decided to drink yourself to death in my room,” Jack said flatly.

The smile on Alex’s face dropped when his sluggish brain processed that Jack was serious about not letting him drink anymore. “C’mon, mooove,” he said, trying and failing to get around.

“No. No more. You’ve had more than enough.” Jack gently took his arm and steered him back towards the television. “This is for your own good.”

At that, Alex jerked away. “What the fuck, I’m not your fucking responsibility. I can take care of myself.” 

Jack rolled his eyes. “No, you really can’t! Sitting here and trying to give yourself alcohol poisoning isn’t taking care of yourself! It’s the exact opposite, actually!”

Alex stood there for a moment, struggling to think of a comeback. “Well, that doesn’t mean you have to.”

“But I want to!”

“Why, though? Because you feel sorry for me? Is that it? Cause I don’t want your fucking pity.”

Jack took a step backward as Alex’s voice rose, and his temper flared.

“Nobody’s cared before,” Alex continued. “Not even my own fucking parents. And I don’t see why you’d be any different.” 

“Alex-”

“And don’t think I don’t see what you’re doing either!”

“What are you even talking about!?”

“This thing you’re doing!” Alex shouted at him, pointing accusingly. “Where you have to babysit me all the time. And when it’s not you, it’s Zack or Rian. It’s annoying as fuck, just leave me alone!”

“That isn’t what’s happening!” Jack insisted. “You’ve got it all wrong, I swear, Alex-”

“No. No, no. That’s it. I’m fucking done.” Alex stumbled towards the door and threw it open, flinching as it hit the wall with a bang.

“Alex, please, just stay here,” Jack pleaded with him. “You’re drunk. I don’t want you to do anything-”

“Oh, you don’t want me to do anything stupid?” Alex snapped back. “Now you’re gonna throw fucking clichés at me, great. Well, now that you’ve said that, I think I’m gonna go back to my room, take that gun you gave me, and shoot myself.” He threw up a middle finger and walked out. “See you in hell.”

The door slammed shut, and Jack was left standing alone in the middle of his room with the TV still playing and empty bottles of alcohol strewn about the floor. He let out a frustrated yell and kicked one of the bottles as hard as he could before throwing himself onto his bed. 

He was just trying to help, that’s all he wanted to do.

How did he mess up this badly?

And why did it hurt so damn much?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I do wanna give my sincere thanks, though, to everyone who has taken the time to leave a comment on this story. I know I've been kinda bad about responding to comments lately and I feel really awful about that because I really do appreciate each and every one of them. So I'm determined to do better with responding, I promise! Other than that, please check out my ATL one-shots if you feel so inclined and leave a request if you have any ideas you'd like me to write for you! Also, totally feel free to hit me up on tumblr @satellites-n-stars if you wanna discuss ATL's new album or literally anything else band-related :)


	12. Chapter 12

Alex burst into his dorm, still fuming about the argument he’d just had with Jack.

Luckily, the room was empty. Kellin must’ve been hanging out in Vic’s room or something. All that Alex cared about, though, was that he was finally able to get some alone time. 

He paced back and forth, running a hand through his hair, already starting to feel bad about what he’d said. He’d been so mean. Jack had done nothing but help him ever since he was thrown into this whole mess, and sure as hell didn’t deserve to have Alex giving him shit for it. 

Well, there goes whatever friendship they’d had. Looks like Alex was right back where he always seemed to end up: completely alone.

Before he knew it, Alex was pulling up his left sleeve, scissors in hand. At this point, his arm was almost entirely covered in cuts from the wrist up to his inner elbow. Some were just beginning to scab over, and others had since faded to white lines. The scariest thing about it, though, was how little Alex even cared.

His thinking was so warped that he couldn’t even see what he was doing as a bad thing. It was just a distraction, a way for him to get his mind off the fucked up thoughts running through his head. And Alex couldn’t see anything wrong in that. 

Soon enough, his arm was lined with small drops of blood beading on top of newly made cuts. He waited for the harsh stinging to turn into the relief he’d come to expect, but the minutes ticked by, and Alex was still tense with overwhelming stress. He was desperate for any sort of comfort. He needed it like he needed air to breathe.

It hurt. This heavy, aching pain in his chest. It weighed him down, the memories, the guilt, and Alex was beginning to think that it would never go away unless he took more drastic measures. His thoughts wandered to the past weeks where more and more often, he was finding himself drifting off in class, wondering what would happen if he just threw himself out a window or how easy it would be to go buy pills or razor blades. Would he even be able to go through with it?

But it wasn’t as though these thoughts had appeared out of nowhere. They’d always been there, at the back of Alex’s mind for years now. They’d make an appearance every so often when he was in a particularly bad mood, but they’d go away after a day or two. Since he’d gotten to this school, though, something had happened. Something had caused him to snap, and now what had started as maybe a bit of a deathwish had grown into so much more.

Alex felt lightheaded and trapped in his own body. His breathing quickened as he stared at his bleeding arm. This wasn’t how this was supposed to work. Everything just felt wrong. It was like playing a hyper-realistic virtual reality video game where everything looked real, and yet there was this unexplainable feeling that something was just…off. Something that made Alex terrified of being confined to this seemingly alternate world that was eerily similar to its real counterpart.

Fear and confusion threatened to consume him, and Alex didn’t know if he wanted to cry or throw up or shut down altogether. 

Propelled by some morbid curiosity, he got up, found his school jacket, and pulled out the gun Jack had given him. He dropped to the ground, leaning against the side of his bed, pulling his knees up and resting his head on top of them. He wasn’t going to do anything. That’s what Alex kept telling himself. He just wanted to hold the gun. Wanted to see what it felt like when he was the one pressing it to the side of his head. 

The safety was switched off. Alex wasn’t going to do anything. He really wasn’t.

But it would be so easy…

Alex jumped at the sound of the door opening. How long had he just been sitting there? 

He pulled his legs in even closer to his body as embarrassment washed over him. Alex didn’t want anyone to find him like this. He couldn’t even bring himself to face whoever it was that just walked in. They’d undoubtedly seen the gun he was holding to his own head and figured out what was going on. There was no way for him to explain this one away. 

“…Alex?”

Yeah, it was Kellin.

“Can you look at me?” Kellin asked softly.

Alex raised his head, dropping the arm that was holding the gun. He made no effort to brush away the tears running down his face.

Kellin breathed a sigh of relief now that Alex was no longer pointing a gun at himself. “Do you need me to get Jack?”

“No, um…Can you get Zack, actually?” Alex spoke so quietly that Kellin was barely able to catch what he said.

“You want Zack?”

Alex nodded.

“And you’ll be okay while I go get him?”

The implication was obvious. With another nod, Alex let the gun fall to the floor with a clatter and hugged his knees tightly with both arms.

Satisfied, at least for the moment, Kellin took off down the hall to find Zack.

No more than a minute later, Zack came stumbling in, looking out of breath. He took a few hesitant steps forwards, and when he wasn’t met with any protest, he took a seat on the floor in front of Alex. He saw the gun lying on the floor and, still slightly panicked, slid it to the other side of the room and out of sight.

Zack stared intently at the floor, avoiding eye contact. He’d always been shit at comforting people. “Kellin told me what happened. Or at least, the short version. Are you okay?”

“You can’t tell Jack,” Alex whispered, ignoring the question and looking up at Zack pleadingly.

Zack was visibly conflicted. “Alex, he’s gonna want to know.”

“Zack, please.”

There was a pause as he thought it over. “Okay. Fine,” he said gently. “I won’t tell Jack if you tell me what’s going on with you.”

"Can we do this some other time?"

"No, we're doing this now. Unless you want me telling Jack." He didn't want to come across as forceful, but he knew it was for the best that Alex get this off his chest sooner rather than later.

Alex closed his eyes and took a deep breath, readying himself to relive that nightmare. “That night Jack got hurt,” he began. “Some…guy attacked us. He knocked Jack out and said he was gonna kill me if I didn’t tell him where my parents were.”

Zack was confused. “Your parents? Why would he want your parents?”

“I don’t know!” Alex cried. “ I have no idea, but he made it sound like there are other people after my parents too, and I just…I think they’re trying to use me to get to them. I’m a fucking liability as long as I’m alive.”

“Alex, you’re not a liability. None of this is your fault.”

“I killed him.”

“What?”

“The guy who attacked us. I shot him, and he died.” Alex was gripping his left wrist, digging his nails into one of the many cuts littering his arm.

Zack noticed and gently pulled Alex’s hand away, eyes widening when he saw the blood. Did Jack not know about this either? He pushed himself up off the ground and hurried to the bathroom, digging through drawers until he found what he was looking for. 

Alex watched as Zack settled back down in front of him and reluctantly held out his injured arm.

The two of them sat in silence while Zack carefully took Alex’s hand and set to work cleaning away the smeared blood and wrapping bandages around the cuts.

“You guys shouldn’t hang around me anymore,” Alex said weakly. “Jack already got hurt. I don’t want that to happen again or to anyone else.”

“Hey, you’re not giving us any credit. We can take care of ourselves. And just because there’s people out there who are looking to get you doesn’t mean we’re gonna leave you to fend for yourself. You’re one of us now.” Zack caught Alex’s gaze and gave him a small smile. “We’re not gonna give up on you. So don’t give up on yourself, either.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cool. So this was a thing I wrote. Not sure how I feel about it. Thanks for reading though! And thanks for all the kind comments I've gotten, I cherish each and every one of them :)


	13. Chapter 13

“So. What’s going on between you and Alex?” Jack looked up at Zack, who was sitting across from him, leafing through a textbook.

Zack shrugged nonchalantly. “Nothing’s going on. I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“Mhm, bullshit. You’ve been hanging around each other way more than usual. And it happened like, overnight. Something definitely happened.” 

“Nothing happened,” Zack insisted, slightly irritated. “Now drop it, I’m trying to study.” 

Jack reached over and closed Zack’s book.

“Hey! What the fuck, dude?” 

“C’mon, Zack! You’re my best friend, please tell me?” Jack pouted and gave him his best puppy dog eyes.

With an annoyed huff, Zack reopened his textbook and tried to find the page he’d been on. “I told you, nothing happened.” 

“Did you guys confess your love for one another?” 

“What? No! God, n- why would you even think that?” 

Jack slumped back in his chair. “I don’t know. It’s always a possibility.” 

“Well, that’s not it,” Zack said, still trying in vain to read his book. “As far as I know, he’s single, so he’s all yours. No need to get all jealous.” 

“Haha, you’re so funny, Zack. You’re hilarious, really.” 

Zack glanced up. “You’re blushing.” 

“No, I’m not. You’re such a liar.” Jack cleared his throat before continuing. “Anyways, you’re changing the subject. You. Alex. Friendship. Spill.” 

“Nothing. Happened,” Zack said through grit teeth. “Now shut up, or I swear I’m gonna leave.” 

Hands raised in surrender, Jack conceded. “Fine, fine, I’ll stop.” 

“Thank you.”

“For now.”

Zack rolled his eyes. He’d promised not to tell Jack, and he fully intended to keep that promise. Unless, of course, he truly believed Alex was a danger to himself. But as best as Zack could tell, that wasn’t the case. 

It was like a weight had been lifted off Alex’s shoulders now that he’d finally opened up about his internal struggle, and that burden that was now shared by the both of them seemed to bring them closer together. Something about that mutual understanding made Zack a safe space for Alex. Someone he could go to and not feel judged. 

There was this unspoken agreement between them that so long as Alex was making an effort to get better, nobody else needed to know about his breakdown. And Zack was more than willing to help. Now that his cutting habit was no longer a secret, Alex was okay wearing short sleeves around Zack, which in turn allowed Zack to make sure no new scars appeared among the ones already littering Alex’s left wrist. And whenever negative thoughts got the best of him, Alex knew he could go find Zack, who wouldn’t force him to talk about it but would distract him for a bit while also making sure he knew that he wasn’t alone. 

None of that changed the fact, though, that Alex was being targeted by bad people, and Zack had made him swear not to wander around outside of the school by himself. But Zack wasn’t always there to make sure Alex didn’t do anything stupid, and Alex, well…they don’t call teenagers 'reckless' for nothing.

Alex sat at his desk, concentrating on the blank sheet of paper in front of him. He had an entire essay due tomorrow afternoon and, naturally, had not even considered starting it until the night before. 

His leg was bouncing up and down as he failed to find any motivation to actually begin working on the paper. There was no denying it any longer. Alex was restless. Going to a secret underground school was cool and all that, but Alex was desperate to get out, take in some fresh air. It felt like forever since he’d seen the sky. 

He knew that he’d promised Zack he wouldn’t go out alone, but a quick little walk outside seemed safe enough. What Zack didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him. 

What faulty logic that had been.

Alex couldn’t help but smile as he stepped out onto the sidewalk and into the cold winter air. The city was still mostly unfamiliar to him, so Alex decided that walking in a straight line would give him the best chances of actually being able to find his way back. 

As he began walking down the moonlit street, though, paranoia quickly settled in. Every shadow made him jump. Every dark alley concealed someone waiting to ambush him. Every few steps, Alex would glance over his shoulder to ensure he wasn’t being followed. He continued to walk as fear crept up his throat, and he began to regret his entire decision to venture outside.

Without a watch, he had no way of telling how long he’d been gone, but Alex eventually came to the very outskirts of the city, where the dense cluster of buildings fell away and before him lay a suspension bridge that spanned the length of a massive river. He continued down the sidewalk, stopping once he’d reached the very middle of the bridge. 

Resting his arms on the metal railing, Alex stared down at the dark, rushing waters below. It came as no surprise when that nagging voice in the back of his head began coaxing him to climb over and jump. He’d always wondered what it would feel like to fall. But now wasn’t the time. 

Pushing the bad thoughts aside, Alex turned his gaze upwards. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky that night, and the crescent moon shone brightly amongst the stars. As he studied the small pinpoints of light above, Alex felt all the fear and tension drain from his body. It was as though the entire world had ceased to exist, and it was only him under that black expanse. All was silent except for the light breeze and the occasional car speeding by.

Alex inhaled deeply and slowly exhaled, watching his breath fog up in the cold air. It felt like the first time in forever that he was just able to relax. It was quiet and peaceful and perfect. He wished he could just stay in that moment forever, standing under the stars with the wind running through his hair and the frigid wind biting at his fingertips. 

But it was so lonely all by himself in the great big world. Alex had been alone for so much of his life, though, that he had thoroughly convinced himself that he didn’t need anyone else. He had convinced himself that his isolation was a choice. But now that he’d had that brief exposure to true friendship with Zack, Rian, and Jack…Alex knew that he could never go back to that miserable, lonely life he’d once had.

Alex couldn’t deny that even he was surprised when he started to wish that Jack was there with him. Jack, with his stupid jokes and stupid hair. He’d probably do something just as stupid like try to walk along the railing and give Alex a heart attack when he almost falls over the side. Then he’d give Alex that dumb smile of his and tease him for being so worried. He’d jump down, grab Alex by the hand and then pull him along, breaking into a run and only stopping once they were out of breath. They’d sit down on the sidewalk and look up at the stars together, and Jack would probably point out some dumb constellations that he just made up…

Without warning, the sound of screeching tires and car doors opening pierced the still night air. Heart pounding, Alex turned to see several men, dressed head to toe in black, approaching him. They were all carrying large guns.

His breathing became ragged, and tears stung his eyes. _Not again, not again, not again._

He frantically searched for an opening, but there was nowhere to go, nowhere to run. He was surrounded. Well, almost.

In a split-second decision, Alex whipped around, grabbing the railing and throwing one leg over onto the other side. But before he could get the other over, strong arms grabbed him by the waist and began pulling him back onto solid ground. He screamed and kicked and cried, but it was no use. 

A swift kick to the back of the knees, and Alex was dropped to the ground, staring at the concrete sidewalk and putting all his concentration into just not passing out. He let out a choked sob as a gag was placed in his mouth and his hands and feet were roughly bound together. Silent pleas for someone to come save him, Zack, Jack, anyone, and when nobody came to his rescue, Alex prayed that one of the men would just shoot him in the head like he should’ve done himself all those nights ago.

Alex’s vision was blurry as he was yanked up off the ground and unceremoniously shoved into the car’s trunk. He caught one last glimpse of twinkling stars before the door was slammed shut, and he was thrown into darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it even really one of my stories if there isn't a long, drawn-out scene of someone looking at the stars? ahaha anyways, I really can't believe we've gotten to this point in the story. Pain and angst from here on out :) Thank you all so, so much for sticking with me and my slow updates. Next chapter is already half-written so probably expect that in the coming week. Comments and kudos much appreciated, and a friendly reminder to follow me on tumblr @satellites-n-stars! I take requests and am always available to beta/proofread :)


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, two updates less than a month apart?? Amazing

Alex was gone.

He hadn’t been at breakfast that morning, which was what initially set off alarm bells in Zack’s mind. Then, when Zack still hadn’t seen nor heard from him by the time classes were over, he paid a visit to Alex’s dorm room. No luck there either. There was only Kellin, who insisted that he hadn’t seen Alex since yesterday.

After searching every square inch of the school, Zack had to accept the fact that Alex wasn’t there. And since nobody seemed to know where Alex was, Zack could only assume that wherever he was, he was alone. 

Fucking hell, he’d told Alex not to go out by himself. They’d been over this!

Different scenarios raced through Zack’s head, each one worse than the last. Maybe he’d just wandered off and got lost. What if he was hurt somewhere? What if he’d gotten hit by a car or mugged or something? What if the people who wanted his parents finally got him? What if he was dead?

Zack really didn’t want to give Jack any more reason to bother him about Alex, but he was pretty much out of options at that point. There was always the possibility that he was just overreacting about nothing, but under current circumstances, Zack wasn’t willing to take any chances. He knocked on the door to Jack’s room and waited patiently as he heard the muffled noises of what sounded like a chair falling over, breaking glass, and a quiet ‘_shit_.’ A few seconds later, and the door was flung open, and Jack stood there looking at Zack expectantly.

“Have you seen Alex?”

Jack crossed his arms and leaned against the doorframe. “Nope, haven’t seen him all day,” he said casually. “Shouldn’t you know this? I thought you were his babysitter now.”

Zack’s heart sank. He hadn’t really expected Jack to know, but hearing it out loud made it all the more real. “I haven’t seen him all day, either. I thought maybe you would have some idea or could at least help find him.”

“Yeah, sure, I’ll help you. If, y’know, you tell me what’s going on between you two.” 

“I’m being serious.”

“Guess you don’t need my help then,” Jack said with a smirk.

Zack was two seconds away from strangling him. “This isn’t a fucking joke! Nobody knows where Alex is, and there is a very real possibility that something bad happened to him, and you’re standing here laughing about it, so if he turns up dead, that’s on you.”

Jack could only stand there in stunned silence, the teasing grin having been wiped off his face. He then grabbed Zack’s arm, pulled him into the room, and let the door slam shut behind them. “Alright, you better tell me what the fuck is going on, and you better tell me fucking everything.”

“Nobody has seen Alex since yesterday, which means he was probably out in the city all by himself.”

“Okay, and?” Jack watched as Zack paced back and forth.

“And it’s fucking dangerous for him to be out there alone because he’s being targeted!”

Jack shook his head, trying to process what Zack was saying. “Zack. Stop being vague and tell me what happened. Just start from the beginning.”

Zack paused for a moment and contemplated the best way to go about retelling the story. “Alex told me what happened the night you guys were attacked,” he began. “He said the guy kept asking for his parents? And…shit, okay, basically, Alex thinks there are people who are after his parents, and I guess they can’t find them. So they’re trying to get Alex to-”

“Hold hostage,” Jack finished.

“Yeah…”

“Well that’s just great. How long ago did he tell you this?”

Fuck. “A few days? I don’t know.” Zack shrugged, trying to downplay the situation. Jack was not going to be happy about this. Yeah, definitely not.

“Woah, okay, time out. He told you this _days ago_, and you just decided not to tell me? What the fuck?!”

“He made me promise not to!”

“Why the fuck would you agree to that?!”

“Because he was gonna fucking shoot himself, okay?!” Zack slapped a hand over his own mouth and looked at Jack, who was staring back at him with wide eyes.

“He tried to kill himself?” Jack asked quietly.

Zack slowly nodded.

Jack agitatedly ran a hand through his hair. “Zack, dude, you’re my best friend, and I love you, but you can’t keep this stuff from me.”

“Jack, I’m sorry.”

“How do you know he didn’t just sneak out and off himself?”

Zack let out a deep sigh. “I mean, I guess it’s a possibility, but he was…he’s been doing a lot better. I don’t think he’d just bail like that.”

“Zack. Do you really, truly believe that someone took him?”

Did he? Maybe he was just in denial and was deliberately ignoring any signs Alex had given him…

No. Zack knew Alex was stronger than that. He wasn’t ready to give up hope yet.

“Yes. I do.”

“Alright then,” Jack said, nodding. “Go get Rian up to speed. I’ll take care of this.”

Zack looked at him uncertainly. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure,” Jack said with a reassuring smile. He watched Zack leave, then sat down at his desk, dropping his head into his hands. Jack knew what he had to do. He just hoped to God that Zack was right about this.

\---

He stood inside the phone booth, watching the rain outside slide down the glass as he tried to calm the frantic beating in his chest. A flash of lightning illuminated the street as he picked up the phone and dialed the number he’d memorized all those years ago.

It picked up on the second ring.

“Jack. It’s been a while.”

That low, snake-like voice alone was enough to fill him with a cold sense of dread. “I need you to find someone for me,” Jack said with feigned confidence.

“Oh? And what makes you think you’re in any position to be asking favors.”

He’d come prepared for this. There was only one thing Jack had to offer, and they both knew it. “I’ll come back.”

There was a moment of silence on the other end of the line. “Wow. I must say, I wasn’t expecting that. Must be someone really special to you then. What’s the name?”

“Alex Gaskarth.” 

“Noted. Expect a reply in the next few days. I’ll be seeing you soon, Jack.”

There was a soft click, and the line went dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I feel like I've dropped a lot of foreshadowing in this story, and I'm super interested to know if any of you have like, any theories or anything about what's coming, so please drop a comment if you have any thoughts. Honestly, I just want to know if I'm doing this "writing" thing correctly hahaaa Anyways, comments and kudos much appreciated, hit me up on tumblr @satellites-n-stars, I feel annoying writing this after every chapter, I'm sorry. Thank you for reading, I love all of you :)


	15. Chapter 15

The letter came two days later. A plain white envelope with no return address or any other indication as to where it had come from. The only thing inside was a piece of paper that had an address typed in the middle on one side and the words “15 days” on the other side.

Jack let out a sigh of relief, but the feeling didn’t last for long. They had to get Alex back as soon as possible, which meant he had to throw together a recon mission pretty damn quick. 

It was decided that Jack and Rian would go that night since Rian was the only one with a car, and nobody trusted Jack’s driving skills. Zack would stay behind in case anything happened. 

The car ride was silent except for the occasional rustling of a paper map and Jack telling Rian where to go. The severity of the situation left the air thick with tension and nervous anticipation.

“Turn the headlights off,” Jack said quietly as they turned onto a dirt road outside the city.

Rian did as he was told, then drove a little more ways before steering the car off the road and parking it amongst the trees where it would be concealed. They’d have to travel on foot from there.

While the cover of darkness hid them from any patrols, it also meant that Jack quickly lost count of how many times he’d tripped over a branch or rock and had to bite his tongue to keep from yelling obscenities. 

It was a rough 20-minute trek through the woods, but Rian and Jack eventually saw the lights of a house up ahead and cautiously crept towards it. Once they were as close to the treeline as they dared to get, they dropped to the ground, hidden behind a clump of bushes.

Jack focused all his attention on the house in front of them to get his mind off the spiders and insects that were definitely crawling all over him by now. He had more important things he needed to worry about. 

Rian kept a lookout to make sure they weren’t spotted while Jack pulled out a pair of binoculars and shifted around to get a better view. It looked like a typical two-story wooden house with a wraparound porch. The warm glow of the lights was a discomforting contradiction to the terrible things Jack only imagined happened within that house. 

The two of them lay there on the ground for hours, studying their target until their legs went numb. Throughout the night, Jack determined that there were at least 11 people in the house. There were always two guards outside who walked around the perimeter together. There was also a person who sat by a window up on the second story that kept watch. The guards switched out about every half hour. And all of them were armed with large guns.

Jack knew it was a long-shot, but deep down, he had hoped to at least catch a glimpse of Alex, if only to make sure he was still alive. But as the night wore on, the more it seemed like that wouldn’t be happening. 

The horizon was just beginning to turn a light gray when Jack finally called it, and he and Rian dashed back to their car as fast as they could, wasting no time getting back to the school. 

“I counted 11 people in there,” Jack explained in the car.

Rian shook his head. “That’s too many for the three of us.”

“Well then what are we supposed to do? Give up?”

“I’m not telling you to give up,” Rian said, gripping the steering wheel tightly. “I’m saying that we need extra help.”

“You’re not wrong,” Jack agreed, “but who can we ask?”

“I don’t know, man, but you need to figure it out because I’m not willing to throw myself into a suicide mission like you are.”

Jack sunk down in his seat and crossed his arms. “Fair enough. I’ll find some more people. One way or another.”

The sky outside was obscured by heavy rainclouds as Rian and Jack strode down the dormitory hallway. Rian went back to his room to fill Zack in on the night’s events and to let him know that they were both still alive and well. Jack, meanwhile, made a beeline for Alex’s dorm. He knocked on the door, not really caring how early in the morning it was.

The door opened a crack, revealing a confused-looking Kellin. "Alex isn't here," he said, beginning to close the door.

Jack quickly stuck his foot in the entrance to keep it from closing completely. "I know. I need to talk to you. And Vic." He nodded towards Vic, who he could see sitting on Kellin's bed.

Kellin glanced back at Vic, who gave him the okay, and opened the door all the way, gesturing for Jack to come inside. "Alright, what is it?"

"Alex was kidnapped."

Kellin's eyes narrowed. "How do you know?"

"We know that there's a lot of people who are after his parents,” Jack explained, “and nobody knows where they are."

"So they're using Alex to get to them," Kellin concluded. "Shit."

“But we have an address. We know where he is.”

Vic chose this moment to chime in. "What does this have to do with us?"

Alex's life was in danger, and so Jack had no choice but to swallow his pride. "I need your help getting him back." 

"No way, Barakat. This isn't our problem," Vic said with a scoff.

"Kellin?" Jack looked at him pleadingly.

Kellin crossed his arms and thought for a moment before coming to a decision. "Yeah, okay, I'll help."

"Wait, Kellin," Vic said, coming to stand beside him. "You can't be serious. There's literally nothing in this for you."

"Alex is a good guy, I'm not gonna sit back and let him get killed."

Vic’s eyes softened. “You’re sure about this?”

“I’m sure,” Kellin said with a resolute nod. “I’m doing this with or without you.”

Vic let out a deep exhale and turned to Jack. “Alright, Barakat, we’re in. What’s the plan?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna be honest with you guys, I've been drifting away from the ATL fandom, and I was throwing around the idea of putting this story on hiatus or giving up on it altogether. But I'm still very proud of this work and cannot express how happy I am that people are actually enjoying it. My heart just really isn't in it anymore. At least for now. I'll still try to update it regularly, but I just want you guys to know what's going on in case I don't update for a while or my writing seems a bit different or anything like that. In the meantime, thank you all so much for the kind comments, they're definitely my main source of motivation to continue writing. You guys are the best :)


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. Sorry I've been bad about responding to comments again (I'll try to be better about that), but just know that I do read them all, and I really do appreciate them. Thanks especially to the people who regularly read and comment, you guys know who you are :)

“So the house is here about…200 yards from the treeline.” Jack smoothed out a large piece of paper on his bedroom floor and drew a square surrounded by a big circle. Rian, Zack, Kellin, and Vic leaned over the paper to study the diagram.

“Your square is kind of uneven.”

“Thank you for the input, Rian. Anyways, there’s three people on guard at all times – two walking the perimeter and one watching from the second floor.” He drew three small circles to represent the three guards. “So we’re gonna have to take them out, then move in quickly.”

“Why are you even drawing this?”

“Rian, for the love of God, shut the fuck up.”

“Kellin and I can create a distraction around back,” Vic suggested. “Lure the two guards away.”

“And if only one of them leaves to check it out?” Zack asked.

“Someone’s gotta be ready to take out the other one from a distance.”

“If someone shoots him, the guy keeping watch on the second floor is gonna alert everyone else.”

“It would definitely make me feel better if we had the element of surprise on our side.”

“Alright, so we have Vic and Kellin create a distraction,” Zack said, “and two people in position to take out the guy on the second story and the other guard if he stays behind.”

“Sounds good,” Jack agreed. “Zack and Rian will stay in the front and take out the guy in the window. I’ll stay to the side and be ready to take out the other guard if we have to. Got it?”

There was a chorus of yeah’s from the group.

“As soon as it’s clear, I say we regroup and go in together,” Jack continued. “I didn’t see Alex in any windows, and it would make sense if they were keeping him in a basement, so we should check there first. Simple rescue mission, in and out as fast as we can. Only kill if it’s necessary.”

“I say we play it safe and kill them all,” Vic said quietly. “Don’t need anyone catching us by surprise.”

Jack glared at him. “We’re not killing any more people than necessary. Even if they deserve it.”

“That’s bullshit. I don’t wanna get shot in the back while we’re trying to get out. And I don’t want-”

“Vic, just drop it.” Kellin gently placed a hand on Vic’s knee and gave a slight shake of his head. Vic rolled his eyes but stayed quiet.

Jack yawned and clapped his hands together. “Alright then, I think that just about covers it. I gotta get some sleep. I’m exhausted. Get your guys’ shit together and be back here at 8 pm sharp. We’ll head out then.”

The boys filed out of the room one by one as Jack watched silently. He knew they were all incredibly skilled at what they do, but the ever-present threat of death hung over their heads like a dark cloud. Just by being at this school meant they were not unfamiliar with danger. The imminent gunfight up ahead only made that all the more real.

Jack knew deep down that he’d have an early death, and he’d come to terms with that a long time ago. There was no point in fearing the inevitable. But he’d do everything in his power if it meant saving someone else. He couldn’t have someone else’s death on his conscience, he wouldn’t.

He continued staring at the wooden floorboards as Zack took a seat beside him.

“Am I doing the right thing here?” Jack asked softly.

Zack thought for a moment. “Yeah, I’d say you are. I know nothing I say is gonna make you doubt yourself any less, but yeah. You’re doing the right thing.”

“But the whole plan just seems so…simplistic. Too simplistic.”

“Well, y’know, sometimes it’s best not to over-complicate things.”

“At least you’re optimistic.”

“Actually, I’ve been meaning to ask you,” Zack continued. “How did you find out where Alex was, anyways?”

Jack got up and moved over to his desk, where he pulled out his gun and began dismantling it. He took his time carefully taking it apart piece by piece, then grabbed a nearby cloth before starting to clean the weapon. “Don’t worry about it. We found him, and that’s all that matters.”

“Hey, you can’t get mad at me for keeping secrets and then go keeping secrets of your own.”

Silence.

“…Jack?”

He let out a deep sigh. “I made a deal to get the location.”

“In exchange for…”

“…And now I have to go home.”

Zack glared at him in disbelief. “Are you serious?”

Jack gave him a nearly imperceptible nod, then flinched as Zack slammed his hand against the floor.

“God, you’re such a fucking idiot! How long did they give you?”

“Zack, it’s not-”

“How long did they give you?”

“…Two weeks.”

“Fuck, Jack, why would you do that?”

“I did what I had to do.”

Zack grabbed a fistful of his own hair, tugging at it nervously. “You know they’re gonna kill you, right?” He suddenly sounded so small. Afraid.

“I know,” Jack said bluntly.

“And you’re just…okay with that? You’re just willing to give yourself up, just like that.”

“…Yes.”

“Jesus, it’s like you don’t even care. What are me and Rian supposed to do? What about Alex?”

“I don’t…” Jack trailed off, unsure of what to say. He did care. He cared so damn much, but he didn’t have any other choice. Why couldn’t Zack see that? “I don’t know, okay? Now c’mon, I’m sick of arguing with you. Just go get ready for tonight.”

“Alright.” Zack pushed himself up off the ground and made to leave. “But this isn’t over. Tomorrow, we’re gonna sit down and figure this out cuz I’ll be damned before I let you go back there.”

Jack refused to look him in the eyes as he said, “Yeah, okay. See you tonight.”

Zack gave him one last sad smile. “Okay. And hey, don’t worry so much. Nothing’s gonna go wrong.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this one was kinda short and dumb :/


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, what up. I'm back, and I can't write action sequences to save my life 🙃

Everything had gone wrong.

The plan was going smoothly right up until they entered the house. The five of them had stood there in the entryway, tense with fear, wondering why they weren’t being met with any resistance. If it weren’t for the guards they’d just killed and the lights that were on inside, they would have thought the house had been abandoned.

Something was off.

Without warning, the power was suddenly cut, and they were thrown into complete darkness.

And that was when all hell broke loose.

Muzzle flashes threw bursts of light around the room, people were yelling and shouting, and Jack was so disoriented, he couldn’t differentiate up from down and down from up. Ducking behind an overturned table, he clutched his gun tightly to his chest and tried to catch his breath as his eyes adjusted to the dark. He’d fucked up. He’d led his friends into a deathtrap. He’d been so _stupid_, so _naïve_ to think that they could just waltz in there and get out without a hitch.

They’d been so sure they had the upper hand that the sudden counterattack pulled the rug out from under their feet, leaving them scrambling for any sort of leverage. But there was none. They were completely helpless and almost definitely outnumbered.

Jack had only been there the night before. When had they gotten reinforcements? How had they upped their numbers so quickly? Did he really underestimate them by so much?

Jack couldn’t tell where any of the others were. He could only hope that they were still alive. God knows he’d never forgive himself if anything happened to any of them.

Mentally preparing himself, Jack stood up and peered over the edge of the table, aiming his gun at the two men who appeared to have taken up guard at the front door. With expert precision, he shot both of them in quick succession, fast and painless. He’d hoped he wouldn’t have to kill anyone that night, but with no other choice, it was best not to make them suffer, even if they probably did deserve it.

There was now a clear path for escape.

Why did he have to drag the others into this? Fuck, this was all his fault…

\---

Rian was pinned to the ground, frantically throwing blind punches at the person holding him down. With the deafening sound of gunfire ringing in his ears, he could barely hear Jack’s orders to retreat. At that, Rian gathered whatever strength he had left to push his way up off the ground and sprinted towards the faint outline of the front door, ducking as stray bullets flew past his head. He was vaguely aware of a sharp pain in his upper arm and left leg, but he was too focused on running to worry about it.

The moon hung low in the sky above, illuminating the field surrounding the house. Rian ran through the grass as fast as he could, unable to hear anything other than his feet hitting the soft ground and the blood rushing through his head. The chill winter air felt good against his skin as he made a beeline for their car parked just beyond the treeline. With a quick glance over his shoulder, Rian could see Zack behind him and Vic and Kellin following further back.

Just as he was approaching the woods, a gunshot rang out in the opening, and a bullet collided with a tree just in front of him, sending pieces of bark flying every which way. Startled, Rian lost his footing and fell to the ground, letting out a sharp exhale as his body protested against the sudden impact. A moment later, he was being hauled to his feet by a panicked looking Zack, and together, they closed the distance between them and the car.

Rian threw open the door to the driver’s seat and clambered inside just as Zack did the same on the passenger side. As he turned the key in the ignition with shaking hands, there was another gunshot followed by a scream and more shouting. Rian and Zack both turned in their seats to look out the rear window, but their view was obstructed by the trees. All they could do was give it another minute before they absolutely had to leave, or they’d all be as good as dead.

Zack anxiously tapped a finger on the dashboard, muttering, “come on, come on, come on,” and glancing back every other second.

Finally, the side door was pulled open, causing Rian and Zack to jump in their seats. They watched in horror as Vic climbed inside, dragging a bloody, half-conscious Kellin behind him.

“We have to go,” Vic said urgently. He pulled off his shirt and pressed it to Kellin’s chest where blood was seeping from his wound. Kellin let out a weak cry of pain, and Vic looked like he was on the verge of tears. “What are you waiting for?! Drive the fucking car!”

“Where’s Jack? Did you see him behind you?”

“No, I don’t know where he is,” Vic snapped. “Can we please go?!”

“We’re not leaving without Jack,” Rian said firmly.

“He’s probably dead! For fuck’s sake, can you at least pretend like you care about the person bleeding out in your car?!”

“I do care! I just- fuck!”

“Rian, just go,” Zack said quietly.

“We can’t just leave him!”

“He told us to get out, so we did. You and I both know he’d want us to leave him.”

“Fuck, I know!” Rian said, frustrated.

“Rian, please! He’s gonna die!” Vic was no longer holding back the tears. He didn’t care who saw.

With a string of curses, Rian wrenched the gearstick into drive and jerked the wheel to the side, bringing the car back onto the road before slamming on the gas. He stared at the house that sat in the rearview mirror, steadily growing smaller as they drove away, and hoped that somehow, someway, Jack had managed to make it out alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I am so sorry that this chapter took so long to get out. Thank you everyone so much for being patient, and thank you all again for the comments and kudos, I love you all <3


	18. Chapter 18

The first thing Jack realized once he had regained consciousness was that it was pitch black. He couldn’t see a damn thing. Which was already concerning in and of itself. Adding to the already bleak situation was the fact that he was also lying on a freezing cold concrete floor, and his hands were chained to the wall behind him.

Well fuck.

As he was shifting around, trying to find a comfortable position to sit in, Jack heard a small gasp from the other side of the room and froze.

Please, god, let it be him.

“Alex?” he called out hesitantly.

“…Jack?”

Jack let out a deep sigh of relief. At least Alex was alive and able to talk. He spoke softly, and his voice sounded worn out, but Jack was just glad it wasn’t any worse. “Yeah, it’s me.”

“What are you doing here?” Alex sounded surprised.

“Well, we were trying to rescue you,” Jack explained. “But as you can see, it didn’t really work out all that great.”

“Oh…well, I appreciate the effort.”

“No problem. Are you okay?”

“No, not really.”

“Sorry, stupid question.” Of course he wasn’t okay. Getting kidnapped and locked up in a dark room isn’t exactly the best for one’s mental health. Stupid, stupid.

“Are _you _okay?”

Jack pondered the question for a moment. He felt a little banged up from the fight earlier, and his head was pounding from where he’d been knocked out (_for the second time that month_, Jack thought, rolling his eyes), but other than that, he was alright. “I think so.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re here,” Alex said quietly. “It’s so boring just sitting here in the dark.”

“You wanna play a game?”

“Yeah, sure.”

Jack pulled himself forward, as close to Alex as he could get until the chains kept him from moving any further. “Twenty questions?”

“Okay. You wanna think of something first?”

“Yep.” Jack thought for a second. “Okay, got it.”

“Is it…an animal?”

At that moment, both of them were blinded by light as the door to the room was opened, and the lights were turned on. After his eyes adjusted, Jack ascertained that he was in a small basement with no windows and the only door at the top of a staircase a few feet from where he sat. He was also finally able to get a good look at Alex.

His heart dropped as he took in Alex’s disheveled appearance. His shirt was torn and stained with blood, as was his messy hair, and his abused body was covered in cuts and bruises. If there was any silver lining here, it was that nothing appeared to be immediately life-threatening, and there was still a spark of life in Alex’s eyes. He hadn’t completely given up hope yet.

Jack turned his attention to the staircase where a man was walking down towards them. This man, presumably their captor, looked to be in his mid to late-20s, dressed in jeans and a jacket with heavy-looking combat boots. He strode across the floor, exuding arrogance, stopping in front of where Jack was kneeling on the ground.

“What’s your name, kid?”

Jack remained silent, staring down the man with piercing brown eyes.

“I asked you what your NAME was.” The man kicked Jack to the ground, pressing the bottom of his boot to the side of Jack’s head.

“Fuck you,” he managed to spit out.

The man ground Jack’s face harder into the concrete floor. “What was that?”

“Jack.”

“Jack WHAT?”

He grit his teeth in pain as the pressure against his head increased. “Jack…Barakat.”

At that, the man removed his foot and retreated a few steps back. “Jack Barakat?” he asked incredulously. “Jack Barakat?!” He threw his head back and laughed. “Oh, this just keeps getting better and better. Alex, kid, I don’t think your parents would be too happy if they knew you were hanging out with someone like him!”

Alex glanced between Jack and their captor in confusion.

“Oh, he didn’t tell you?” the man said with a crooked smile. “Your friend Jack here has quite an impressive body count.”

The smile fell from his face as he knelt down and lifted Jack up by his hair, forcing Jack to look him in the eyes. “A body count that includes some of my best men.”

Alex sat in stunned silence, unable to process the new information. He had so many questions, so many things he didn’t know but didn’t know where to start. It was too much all at once. Incapable of responding, he watched as the man threw Jack back to the ground and made his way to the center of the room.

"Alright, well now that I have the pleasure of having you both here," their captor began, "we have a few options. Now you, Alex." He gestured towards him. "Unfortunately, we can't kill you since you're our bargaining piece and all that. Without you, we got nothing. But your friend here," he said, turning to Jack. "We don't need him at all." He stood up, walked over to Jack, and pulled out a small gun.

"Don't you fucking dare!" Alex desperately struggled against the chains binding him.

Their captor simply laughed and pressed the gun against Jack's head. Jack squeezed his eyes shut and kept his mouth closed tightly. If this was the end of the line for him, he sure as hell wasn't going to give this guy the satisfaction of seeing him beg for his life. But just as suddenly as it had appeared, the weight of the gun was gone, and Jack let out the breath he had been holding.

"Nah, that'd be too easy." The man pocketed the gun and moved back over to where he’d been standing. "I've got two of you now, so I might as well have some fun with it, right? Alex, we can't risk hurting you too much physically, but psychological torture is more exciting anyways." His face split into a sadistic grin. "I want to see how far I can push you until you break, and I think your friend here can help me do just that."

"You're sick!" Alex spat out.

The man turned towards him and gave him a wink. "Oh, I'm just getting started.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we are now at the part of the story where I can pretty much write as much whump as my heart desires, so if there's any particular whumpy things you guys like and wanna see, drop a comment, and I will do my best to incorporate it ;) And as always, thank you for reading!
> 
> (also, if you're planning on watching the upcoming concert series, you should leave a comment telling me who you think will have the best setlist, cuz I wanna know what you guys think :D)


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